16 Days of Literature: Cień Ariela
{I'm loosing a sense of where I am! I always must stalk this person and there's something they're hiding from me. So many lights, so many questions. I'm loosing my grip on reality, especially when these interrogative lights shut off and I stretch beyond what the light barred me from. I feel like I am already dead, soon undifferentiable with where the light dares strike not. Please, don't kill me... Today is an independent post for a long neglected saga, the RN-1199 Saga. Nae worry, nae need read them necessarily, but it shall make small things more understandable... Today's music-aides: NARC from Hotline Miami 2 Wrong Number.}
- Cień Ariela -
Well I was tasked with guarding the child today, she was a robo-lass alright as RN-1199 told me when she first came in. Just looking at her, tears would be rolling done but... well that's not a memory I wish to evoke now. It was boisterous upstairs, but my ears be ever-blessed that we have acoustics to drown out that noise; the pains of having to live under a pub methinks but a perfect cloak I must admit. My memory theatre so ready to replay all the stories of the mafia I've heard, my skin would prick up and my mind snap out of that dream-state. My body cocked back, her snorts ring loudly but my ears take a joy as at least a good dream must be playing in her dream theatre.
My fingers forcing the chamber to slip to the slide, they forced the chamber to spin and my eyes recorded each filled hole. Finally with the last one, my left arm slinged the chamber back and my mind made note of six .357 rounds in this revolver. My eyes conducting a random check, my mind was perturbed not one bit with the scene; though my mind did frustrate itself that I couldn't be with the crew. My eyes blurring, ears unsharpening, fingers numb and my mind perturbed, I began running all the scenarios. My mind constantly competed each scenario with the plan the crew made and how highly likely it was to fail if any of these scenarios were true. Yet clunk was the noise that made my ears sharp again, my eyes focused, fingers rediscovering touch and my mind centered.
My fingers turned the torch on, "flashlight" as my comrade RN-1199 would dare call, and my arms aided the torch to commit to do a broad sweep. Seeing nothing awry, my legs took me to the nooks-n-crannies near the child, letting my ears-n-eyes detect and my mind to process such. However, nothing of serious note as huff raced out of my breather-unit, or "gasmask" to others, and my legs carried me all around the room to reassure my mind I didn't compromise the base. Yet, with the fingers grazing the last hiding spot, the brick-n-mortar only gave me itself couldn't display any hiding Tom in the cracks.
"Well, well, well. If it isn't an surprise that's already overstaying his welcome. Remember me, Timothy-"
"Stop dead-naming me yah, whoever yah are and wherever yer at!"
"Uee, hee, hee, hee. Think that I really manifest in the flesh? See to it that the child awoke not. Also interesting how you keep details-"
"Begone, I already kicked yah out once, I can wound yer pride again if need be. Yah picked the wrong day-"
"I can forgive the interruptions, but I find it hilarious you think I chose the wrong day. No, no, no; Timothy I choose the right day indeed."
"For the last time, my name is Ariel and that's that. Now manifest yerself coward, I like to settle it all over again."
"With me gone? I can't do that, plus it works better for my job for what I must do next with surgical expertise~"
"Coward, exact yerself- ah! Stop it and fight me already, nothing worse than softening a target for an easy picking."
But I so disagree with what ol' Tim says here, I find it more enjoyable to play with him - that delicate doll. I've been waiting to do this for a long time, his death is not needed because that's not what I am-
What shadow dare infect my mind, this made even the best of the best spy-droids look like child's play... My lungs re-intaking precious oxygen, what had dared ceased me from even breathing? That voice, that shadow - it haunts me again. I thought I have killed it-
And, in his pronouns that I find silly, so they thought. Ha ha ha ha. And so they, my little Timothy, thought they expelled me from this humanly corpse. No amount of neural-social changes will dare lodge me out of this flesh. Well, looks like I am too weak-
What in the name of the Flying Dutchman is going on, my eyes displaying the darkness, my mind forced from me and my body stolen at random. Why is this shadow daring to re-enter when I've won against it so long ago? I've killed, consumed, studied and burnt it a crisp! Yet now here-
I am, back to taking what is rightfully been mine. To reassert my name: Timothy. To reassert my worries and none of this crap. To reassert my pronoun-
Again, my lungs yearn for a break as my throat throbs without stop! Why must this shadow persist, why o why? I cannot even control parts of me, tears rolling without admission which blinds my eyes and makes it hard for my legs to make distance away from the child. This shadow can probably already read me, but I need to read into it-
HA! Which I shall not let happen, ol' Timothy. Though the circumstances were more complicated and allowed YOU to rise... I cannot but feel I cannot let yerself die. For who shall I haunt to live out my needs? Yours were never legitimate to begin with, just child's play. I understand my parents beaten me to a pulp for your disgrace, but it means not you should win-
Of all the delirium I could face, the pain of a million needles lodged into my head probably saved me alright. And so it truly is that shadow, which so dares to root itself back here. Do not dare bring my parents into this, yah shadow, as they never really cared for me. All they wanted was a mere action figure, but I couldn't stand that obscene toxicity being forced upon me. I would rather-
Die? Dieing is the best you can do? I have more than enough plans with how to neuter you finally, once and for all, but I have bigger. Your gear, your newfound street knowledge, your funds, your everything of which I could've been using! But 'twas your feelings that got in the way, your petty identity that wanted to assert the truth of this corpse, your-
And why couldn't yah find another corpse to carry out the act? Huh? Why not a robotic body and go on a rampage, they're filled to the brim with armaments, knowledge, wealth and the such! Why me, why must I suffer for your ill-needs!
Child, bequeath your noise! Don't you already know how hard it is for us shadows to leave the body, even harder to exist outside of such? Without slipping into the myriad of other shadows so undifferentiable in this landscape? Well, you shall soon enough when I force you to become a shadow as you always were. Inferior and constantly nurtured, I need none of that-
Liar, liar, liar! Lies have short legs and you constantly needed my parent's approval to keep me away. Face it, yer just a bad memory that wants to revel before being annihilated. Yah could've enjoyed the memories but I know yah better than yah know yerself-
Is that so?-
Indeed, tell me how the pain was? I can't seem to remember. Anyways, sometimes not being a loud mouth can pay off really well. Just-
Hypocrisy, explaining like how villains do it. Hmph, I must admit it was the first clever strike against me, for once. But I fear that's the end for any more cleverness, wait!-
Spoke to soon, ol' shadowy enemy of me. Now begone to the realm that I forced into so many years ago!... Is the shadow gone?... Why am I asking myself that question, how should I know? Maybe I should visit Miss Mystique and inquire about this-
And so, I finally cracked the code. I must admit, I truly was dumb to not realize it. Clever you, hiding in plain site; I shall treat you well as a shadow I guess. But to earn that spot, I must commit to a few things to get myself going. Don't worry, the little girl isn't worth harming - would be a detriment against me anyways. However, I like to see this Miss Mystique as well; maybe I could fool her enough to purge you entirely~ Well we shall see- oh what can it be now?
"Ariel? Yah fine honey? I heard yah ring your buzzer multiple times, even hearing strange noises in a tongue so foreign and elite. Never could think yah would even utter it right."
Well, there goes my chances of even purging you. I might as well treat you right as a shadow, I admire the work you can do to hinder so much of my advances. I must admit that and I shall study you very well to make me even better than where I was before. Now, be quiet with your flusters, I must listen to these next words and respond well to undo your small victories.
"Baby Ary? I'm a bit scar'd, this ain't funny."
"Kalinsk-dunnevié, ba balingfar; cordun cornel. Imsham, ma maligar."
"Im-im-impossible. You're not Ariel, how dare yah even take me Ariel from me!"
"What, I thought I remind you of our people's real tongue. None of this common tongue- gah!"
"Begone shadow, my Ary deserves more of a life than whatever yah plan to do and waste it with such."
"Well, whenever plan A fails, plan B just as-much works."
"Shooting, have yah thought of the implications! Clearly yah haven't paid attention 'til recent. I shall let the crowd teach yah that lesson-"
"Ariel, why are you acting funny?"
"I'm not Ari-"
"Ariel, why do you torture yourself so much with the past?"
"My name's Timothy-"
"Ariel, why would you shoot your beloved?"
"And that shall score a hole-in-one for that noggin right there... Thank you child~"
"Pleasure... how can people switch so easily? I can understand robots but, non-robots?"
"Well, a robot is after all a narcissistic and metallic re-imagining of a perfect working human... Yet with perfection, comes not a language to read the faults of the narcissistic bunch. Yet, for our narcissus, it is rather nice of us to not infect you with our faults."
"That's not what I asked, Miss Mystique-"
"Another day, especially around someone that's just about to wake up. I didn't knock Ariel out hardly, just enough for their unconsciousness to work right again."
And indeed it did, but what a haze to hear all that noise float around my head. Truth be, I don't even know myself that well to even get her to understand me. If I did... what would I do? But it seems like I can't vacation my rest here forever, the floor's a bit too cold for my face and I hear the crowd coming-
"Can you drag and keep Ariel safe 'til they wake up, my lil' booboo?~"
"Sure will, just say what needs to be said."
"Heh, maybe I treat yah too much a child and not realize who yah are. Well, I got to keep my fellows upstairs happy, they got enough stress in their own lives with their own troubles. This one might edge them too far."
"Me-methinks I can at least walk-"
"Ariel, simmer down. Let her be of aide."
"Gimme your hand, Ariel; we'll walk the dark together."
My eyes dashing a glance to Miss, her lips let out a cackle while smirking as she head up. My eyes returning back to her, my mind couldn't deny such a graceful reach towards me. My hand being grasped by hers, she played the guide a bit-too-well but guess the follies of a child need not be destroyed. Letting me plop on the chair, her lil' legs scurried her to the bed and the blankets flew before resettling on her... a precious bean despite all she knows, no wonder... and well, as I see every other member of the crew does this as well, my hands shall write a diary down and write as much as my noggin can remember. And with such, I have to format this so I know when it differentiates me to others and this shadow which insists on a name I refuse to call it by. Hopefully this shall be enough to dispel any inconsistency set up by my wounded shadow, a pride so bludgeoned I can't and won't imagine any further. My ears finally detected those familiar steps, guess that's enough writing out of me for one day...
TwoThings: Yay, I made a RN-1199 post (c:) and also been listening to this in the crafting of this story. Yes, completely different from my music-aide and now I can hum the entire song without any sense of guilt... nor pleasure... I'm loosing a sense of where I am!
As with all these 1000 spine-chilling doors... so many doors, so many questions!... Okay before I loose my grip of reality, let's get on to the end blurb. So? Who do I have a bone to pick with today?
Well have you considered looking into the QITR hosted by the @bananafish? Well, why haven't you?!?! No reasons, good! Now look at the post! "Do it! Do it now!" as to quote Arnold Schwarzenegger.
And before I loose a sense of where I am and before I open up so many of these doors now, did you now I am hosting the current edition of the @bananafish Finish the Story where you just finish the story to the best of your ability? No? Well, I basically moderate and basically you just write an ending. Of course there are rules, like many contests. But like, you don't have to be perfect, we love new writers! (Not that love though, we ain't sex pozies here.)
So before I start haunting ye, how about I wrap this up and say I basically got one more story to tell and a contest to enter. Wherewith, I don't know what's waiting at the end of the line: the end of the 16 days of Literature. I hope it's worth it to my lil' friend... wait, who's my little friend? Spooky?... Peck it, she can be my friend at this point with how I basically can sing this damn song with near perfection... Also I just literally did a TwoThingsTM in my end blurb... great.
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I have very much enjoyed reading this one back a few times, with music ;)
There is so much emotion in this one, although I am still not certain i fully got your intended meaning, i definitely got a few.
Interpretation one:
The shadow is he. I don't recall this saga, so I may be entirely missing the mark, and reading the story i want to see the most in here. Our main character is a robot that was once human, as his ind was built on and expanded, he became someone else, Ariel, but the shadow of himself, his soul for want of a better term, is still there, haunting him, and although he tries to reject it, it remains. For reasons that don't need explaining for the emotional impact to carry, caring for the robo-child, bring sit back to the surface. The ease with which he cares deeply supports this. He wrestled with himself, refusing to acknowledge the name he was once called, everything is entirely in his head, and at points, his former self is able to take over. The bit where someone asks why ariel is acting funny, thats the little girl right? and thats why it hits timothy so hard, allowing for miss mystic to knock him out for a moment, they drag him back inside and there, once he comes round, he records it, in the hope that it will be enough to subdue the shadow.
-- I very much like this possible way of reading it, the internal struggle, the idea of self, and the former self, of acknowledging who he was whilst not letting that rock who he is now. It being triggers by the robochild gives a huge amount of emotional depth to the character, creating a sense of his background. The slow build to him almost realising, he calls the voice enemy of me, but i wasn't certain if he actually fully realised it was him, and the voice took it that way for wanting to hear that. The shadow, not being able to follow through on its resolve, still held back by its 'humanity' and getting knocked out, brings in empathy for both ariel and timothy, and the ending feels so real, that trying to hold on to yourself in the midst of identity confusion, the tug between two halves trying to find balance by recording it
Interpretation two:
The shadow is a separate entity. This changes how is reads entirely, i am mainly feeling interpretation 1, but thought i'd include the others for fun. If the shadow is something else, the Ariel is being possessed by it, it wants to take from him, and although assures him it won't endanger the child, kinda feel like it would, and Ariel uses all his strength of resolve to resist it, refusing to accept it as it tries to take over him. This also changes the end, now he is recording it for the future, so if it tries again, he has something he can refer back to and help himself break free. This is also a really nice story, feeling somehow more lonely than the first interpretation, despite the first one being entirely internal but something everyone could go through (if they have all been upgraded like Ariel) reading it like this feels a lot more like him bearing this burden alone. The way it tears at his sanity carries no mater how i read it though.
Interpretation threee
Thetans. Nice good respectable Scientologist wrestling thetans which of course you get more of around children.
UwU ~ Thanks for reading and thanks for philosophizing! Interpretation 1 is correct, yet interpretation 2 would be correct as well when Ariel thought they expelled Timothy (dead name of his old self) at up until the point of the start of this story. What do I mean by the statement above?
Indeed, "Timothy" never left but was heavily subdued to the point of not coming back. However, Ariel was once the shadow of "Timothy" even before Ariel finally became a cyborg; the cyborgization of Ariel (in which I just refer to Ariel as a they) just furthered Ariel. "Timothy" only came back when they became a lumpenprole and, as I wrote Ariel in RN-1199, had to resort to crime to live another day; returning back to and facing the habits of which "Timothy" loved. With such, Ariel had long taken the control to move past the stagnancy of "Timothy" and actually develop what "Timothy" had resisted on mental-emotional levels . There was, however in spite of many progresses, a mental regress due to how "Timothy" acted and how Ariel squeaked away from; causing Ariel to think negatively on some actions of which Ariel squeaks away from but "Timothy" would adore going back to. Of which, I have planned, for Ariel to take back what "Timothy" still holds on; as to then finally supersede the shadow of "Timothy" as Ariel would deweaponize "Timothy" from the arms "he" has. Yet that's an emotional journey of overcoming a past identity one was forced into and actualizing an identity that reacts against everything wrong with the dead identity without nuking one's self to high hell (an abstraction of many people that transition, resist against the socialization of their conditions, resisting internalization of negative/positive stereotypes and those overcoming their disabilities). Of course, now this has happened, Ariel needs not overcome the arduous journey alone and has the help from Miss Mystique and the robo-child. c: