I live in a small, pathetic, redneck infested town that is essentially a giant butt, split down the middle by an interstate. I have lived in the right cheek of this butt my entire life. Of course I want to leave, who wouldn't unless you are one of the dozens of mouth-breathers I'm surrounded by every day who pride themselves on their weekly ritual of drinks on Saturday and hangovers during Sunday morning service. If I didn't know better I would swear I was adopted or dropped off at my parents doorstep by a nun or some sort of intergalactic refugee who was murdered moments later by an alien bounty-hunter with insect-like eyes and no genitalia. My father repeatedly tells me I was born in the wrong decade, I think I landed on the wrong freaking planet but whatever, it is what it is. Anyway, I am an aspiring stand-up comedian, or I'm just the joke. Either way, I love to make people laugh whether it is at me or with me is no concern of mine. I also love to scare people, You can thank directors John Carpenter and James Wan for implanting that obsession in me. Scaring people makes me laugh which are the only times I feel like I might actually be funny. So you can expect a mixed bag of posts from me, I expect by the third or fourth I will be chased off of this site with hypothetical torches and pitchforks. Nevertheless, I thank You in advance for reading this crap.