Put on Your Coats: GOT Spoilers are Here!

I say this in all seriousness: one of the reasons I haven’t up and went on a mindless, spontaneous rampage inside any old grocery store is because Game of Thrones hasn’t wrapped up yet. Considering that we have just 7 more episodes to witness after the current season finishes its run, which by the way is also just made up of a paltry 7 episodes (sad, I know. No need to rub it in), I may yet rip my shirt off inside a Costco and yell “what is dead shall never die!” In any case, a few more episodes of the epic series are better than having none of it. Let’s save all the nudity and outrage when we get there. Now, the 7th season’s premiere episode just wrapped up earlier and as you would expect, it was great. But, I don’t think I have to tell you that, especially if you’re part of the majority of people who’ve seen the show. In fact, even people who don’t watch the show have a passing idea of how great Game of Thrones is. Yes, even those buttholes that think they’re too “cool” to watch it: it’s in the back of their minds and we all could see through their stupid facades. So, instead of praising the HBO series over and over, as others have done, I think it’d be better if I gave you some of my own theories on what may happen on the show in the near future. I’m assuming you read the title of this article, because spoilers are indeed here.


First, let’s look at Arya Stark. Whereas last season she managed to finally check a name off her kill list by slitting that weasel Walder Frey’s throat after feeding him his own sons, the little Faceless Stark capped off her stay in The Twins by eliminating all Freys. Let me repeat that. She killed all Freys. There aren’t any more bridge-owning hicks in Westeros. Period. So, what’s next for this little murder machine? I’m betting she’ll kill Ed Sheeran and the other Lannister soldiers she met in the woods. Sure, everyone wants her to retain a bit of good in her, but this is Westeros, damn it!
Over at King’s Landing, Cersei is now finally the queen of the Seven Kingdoms. The only problem is that more than half of those kingdoms don’t give two shits about her, which leads to the Lannister-led throne allying with Euron Greyjoy. Cersei still has doubts about the murderous pirate lord, however, so he needs to prove his loyalty first. Euron says he’ll do this with a gift, which I think may or may not be his own penis in a box not unlike what Ramsay did to Theon’s.


Lastly, Daenerys finally arrives on Dragonstone. After six long seasons, the dragon queen is finally back home. What will she do next? I don’t know, probably wait six seasons more before actually doing something, which will go on to become one of the best examples of TV blue balls any show in history has executed. God, Daenerys just gets so frustrating at times.