Twenty Twenty #Freewrite

tezmel (66)in #writing • 6 years ago

So... we are in 2020! Happy New Year. I know it's two days old on my end it is at least but I haven't formally said here :D

How was your transition? Did you go to church? That's a thing where I come from. Or did you head to the local barman to 'wash away the dust of 2019 and celebrate making it through the year'? And yes. Even that is quite common here. Did you wait for the countdown in an arena or a hall? A stadium? Were there fireworks? Too many questions? Imma back off now.

I am probably curious because I have nothing to share from mine. I went to sleep at eight pm. I had had a long end of 2019. It consisted of an eat out and some back to school shopping with the kids and those leave me drained. The fact that I hadn't slept well in days and the fatigue was eating on me wasn't helping.

I rarely get taken by sleep unless it's overwhelming. The fact that what is usually quite a wild celebration and several loud churches' services couldn't keep me awake... In short, I slept heavily and it's extremely rare.

So. I have been avoiding to peg history on the indestructible blockchain with a bunch of expectations from myself. Expectations that history harshly proven my inability to keep word to myself over and over again. I promised myself that I won't be making myself such promises to myself anymore.

2019...

I walked into last year expecting nothing of what it became. Due to failing to keep promises to myself, I had settled for living one day at a time. It was also an year that had so much that I had zero experience in so it wouldn't have made sense if I started having expectations.

First corporate like job ever. First time working with women in prison directly. First time working with girls in Rehabilitation and Borstal Institutions. First time in a decade having all my children living with me. First time in a decade to be gifted an opportunity to properly apologize for a lot of misunderstandings. To be able to live in the bitter sweetness of doing that.

Too much was going on and I had to learn to be patient. With myself. With life.

And it turned out fine. I was a fairly good mother. I do my best, ALWAYS. I gave my job everything I could and through the experience learnt sooo much in an year. I was trying to stay in this community as much as I could but it is never enough. Inadequacy is real. But I am doing my best these days :)

And I am doing the same with this fresh one. I need to stay here and in school. I need to figure out how to make money online to facilitate the first two needs. Give me ideas if you have any. Other than that, I am walking into 2020 blindly with zero expectations BUT with intentions of doing my very best! Here is to closing the decade with a bang ♡