The accident

Mid May, 2017.

I drove Jaidee and his little mate, our neighbour, to preschool. They were mucking around in the back and instead of telling them the quieten down I turned up the volume and they danced in the back seat all the way to preschool. Art vs Science, Aim fire. and the Trolls soundtrack.

I went to the gym and had an unusual heaviness that day that I put down to a common cold. I got home and started a batch of sourdough, Troy decided to pick up Jaidee as he usually would so I could get cracking with the folding and proofing. I said see ya! and felt my usual happiness for our amazing life. I made them lunch and put it on the table ready for them when they walked in the door. They didn’t come and I had an appointment so I called an uber and set off down the road. Calling Troy along the way to see where he had got to, someone answered and all I could understand from the broken english was “accident”. I started crying, the driver was trying to calm me and I don’t normally overreact. I knew. I knew no-one would be answering his phone without a reason like this. We went over an overpass and I could see the accident below, I yelled “oh no, oh god”. I called Jai’s school to see if he had been picked up, he had.

The school owner left straight away to find me and pick me up. The driver would not take me to the accident and dropped me off nearby but not close enough to walk. I called Troy’s phone over and over, no-one would tell me what was going on. The school owner – Al arrived. She pulled the car over and I got in talking fast, saying I don’t know what’s happened, no-one will let me speak to Troy. She stopped me and said “I have just driven past the accident and seen the boys, it’s not good. They both died”. I searched her face for the sign of a joke.

Al got out and started making calls while I sat in the car unable to comprehend, making sounds that I have never heard before. I needed to see them. We drove to the hospital where they had been taken and had to pass the accident. I saw the car, a total wreck. I saw the blood. We drove on to the hospital. I saw my beautiful, perfect, four year old son – lifeless. He looked calm and peaceful, a little bit of blood from his ear and nose. And his Dad, my wonderful lover/protector/provider/friend with catastrophic head injuries. This man who I was convinced was invincible was crushed. There was no doubt that his death was instant and very little that Jai’s was too. All I could say was “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry” Over and over.

We then had to go to the police station so I could make a statement. While sitting there waiting I started receiving messages from friends and acquaintances and realised that this could be going on facebook. I was planning to call family when I got home. Instead I hurriedly called Troy’s daughter, father, and sister. I felt that I made a devastating phone call worse by the insensitivity of the rush to tell people before they found out from their computer screen.

Al took me home and the wraps were still on the table waiting for them to come home and eat their lunch.