The second one

Two years ago, my wife and I were married. It was a little event with just the two of us. When my friends found out a few days later through a postcard from Italy, they were surprised. Not because of us getting married but that we didn't have a larger wedding with friends and family as I have always spoken about 'If I had a wedding...'.

Money played a role in this as did timing. My wife had just started a new job and it was the kind of thing that would be very difficult to plan a wedding while doing due to the nature of it. We had a trip already booked to Milan so we thought, why not just do it. The secrecy was so it was something special, for us.

I have been to quite a few weddings over the years and have photographed a couple too. What I have noticed that it is often the couple themselves that seem to have the least fun. Perhaps it is the nervous energy escaping the body, all of the planning that goes into it or, the fear that something will go wrong but, often there aren't many genuine smiles forthcoming.

I have always felt that the weddings themselves are to entertain the guests and put on some kind of show. At one planning session as photographer I heard 'a need for it to be memorable' statement. After being to a few weddings, I don't remember many of them except the ones I have photographed, partly because of the editing involved and there aren't many of them.

I understand the 'big Day' idea but I do not understand getting into debt or difficulty over one day. I have a friend who was still paying off her wedding loan while she took another for her second marriage. The costs are getting well and truly out of hand.

We went to a florist a few days before to get a bouquet made and we chose a bunch similar to what they already had made as a bunch of flowers they were selling. About 25 euros worth. When they heard it was for a wedding 'Oh, you have to have a wedding appointment and planning sessions'. That alone was over 100, without the flowers. We went somewhere else and they made a lovely bunch of flowers for us without a series of meetings.

Without the glitz and glamour, do I feel like I missed out on something. Not really but, if we were to do it again, we would have a few friends there with us. It was actually the original plan to have some witness friends and then take them to dinner with us. The problem was that we couldn't cut it down as we both have small groups of very close friends. What we did do instead was when our daughter was given her name, we invited many more than the traditional close family and 'godparents' and went to quite a lot of effort to have them included in something much more intimate than a wedding.

The part I both loved and hated about our 'wedding' was the photography. It was fun to organize though was quite a lot of pressure as I wanted something different to the normal photos which we ended up getting. Not all photos are silhouettes of course but I prefer these as for me it tells the story of the secret wedding.

We visited the same spot to take some pregnancy photos and the other day to take some for our daughter's first birthday photos. Maybe the next time we are there will be for our tenth anniversary or something. Next year, I think a new location is required. There are so many different ways to do things in this life so why limit the range? If we never got married, it wouldn't have bothered either of us at all but, getting married doesn't hurt either.

Now, a new tradition starts that I really wish would not continue. Last year we were in hospital for our anniversary, this year I am there. I am not going to take the camera with me.

Taraz
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