Road to SteemFest: Fears

This weeks Road to SteemFest prompt by @anomadsoul is on our fears for the event. It seems quite silly really that people would be scared of what is essentially a tech gathering but, this one is a bit different to most where large numbers of people get together who don't know each other to talk shop on latest gadgets or apps. The problem here is, we do kind of know each other in some way and at the very least, have some expectations as to who others may be. THe reverse of course is, people have an expectation of who we might be too.

What happens when expectations go unmet?

In general, there is a sense of disappointment as one's ability to judge is questioned and found lacking. But, when people have spent so much time and effort developing their 'personal brand', those pesky expectations and assumptions can be quite large. This is true of those who don't put themselves out there too but are visible nonetheless - The imagination grows the legend.

I don't have too many fears in this area personally as I know I have done my best to give a fair representation of myself and, people's expectations are out of my control. Love or hate me, I am me. Unfortunately so at times. However, just in case people are expecting different looks-wise; I am short, have a beard (I have had for about 6 months), dark (my father is Indian) and could do with a little less pancake and a little more exercise. Normally I have the best qualifier for looks with me, but unfortunately my hot wife won't be travelling this time as our daughter can't travel currently.

I do have fears though.

Firstly, I snore and since I am sharing a house with people, I feel like I am going to piss them off. When I say take ear plugs, I mean it. I am actually mentally prepared that I might be evicted from the house and have to find a hotel room somewhere.

Then there are the actual Steemfest concerns with meeting people. I stand in front of groups of people and talk for my work but, that also means that I tend to do most of the talking. I am waaaay too talkative at times and I find a lot of things interesting so I am unsure how that will be taken by people who could often be more behind screens. I am also quite straight forward in my approach so, we'll see how that pans out.

On top of this, I also suffer from carrying expectations about people and there are many people I have come to respect and admire in different ways. Will they live up to my own expectations? Of course not, I have to get to know them as them in real life, not what I have imagined them to be.

One thing that does worry me after talking to the boys is, the drinking. In the last year I have probably had 2-3 drinks in total and I can't remember the last time I had two in the same night. Drunk me is more talkative than sober me... My plan is to be very conservative on the drinks. I don't mind buying a round or two though.

But my single biggest fear is the same one I have had since I was a child. I don't want to miss out. I see so many opportunities in life that I have passed by due to various fears and I don't want this to be filled with more of them. I don't want to be too afraid to talk to this person or that in the fear that I am going to make a dick of myself for some reason or other, and I don't want to miss out on the chance to find my place here.

As I am fast approaching my two years on Steem, I am reviewing my position and I know that I want to be a part of Steem development in some way. This is difficult as I am not a developer myself but Steemfest offers an opportunity to potentially connect with some people who I am able to collaborate with in the future, and I fear missing that opportunity.

Getting to Steemfest itself has been a challenge and me being away puts more stress on my wife since things are not so easy at home so, the fear of not taking advantage of opportunity is very real as it means so much to our future. If you haven't noticed, I am pretty bullish on Steem for the future and this view affects my actions and future planning also and that of course affects the lives of my family. We are all in this together so the costs of my failures are shared as a family.

Perhaps that means my real single biggest fear is that, after being at Steemfest and surrounded by influencers and decision makers, I get the feeling that it isn't going to work. What then? I don't expect this to be the case at all but fear is not rational, nor is love.

What I hope is going to happen at Steemfest is that after meeting all of these people, after talking with those who are creating and investing themselves and their money, my fears of Steem will be allayed and I will return home with more confidence in the future and, concrete plans on how to make it happen.

See you at Steemfest.

Taraz
[ a Steem original ]

Oh... I also have a fear that I will miss a day of posting.