Random acts of dance

Some people might remember that I dance but to be honest, I hardly remember it myself considering it has been so long. However, other than a little bit of paperwork and waiting for results and graduation next month, my wife has finished her studies and I am hoping that we will be able to occasionally head out. We don't have a babysitter for late at night but, sometimes there are get-togethers a little earlier and in the summer, there will be dancing in the city park.

I look forward to dancing as even though I am not a great dancer, there is something about it I connect with and like most things I do, I have my own style. I am not saying it is a good style, but it is not what one would learn in a dance class.

Last week one of my colleagues was talking about dancing and she didn't know I danced too and although I don't really know why, she was a bit surprised. That is fine by me. Yesterday she said she was going to lessons and I asked if her boyfriend danced because while she has said she has been going to some of the parties, she never mentioned him being there. It is common in Finland for couples to have hobbies that they don't do together, even if they are hobbies that take a lot of time.

However, her partner does dance and she says that while he is actually more interested in it than her, he doesn't go to the parties because he feels he needs to learn more, even though he has been dancing a couple years. This is also common in Finland where people are always learning but never testing in the wild but if one want s to improve in dance, this is likely a must. Oh, I am talking about couple dances here with Salsa, Bachata and Kizomba he dances I can step around.

I told her the reasons why I think it is important for especially men to go to these dance parties if they want to improve, which is the randomization of partners. In a dance class they are teaching steps and patterns and even when "free dancing", everyone is accustomed to the same patterns, the same styles and the same leading techniques. There is expectation and very little surprise.

However at a social dance event where people gather from all over, a woman has to learn how to follow the lead and, the man has to learn how to lead without knowing what is going to arrive. Some women are very sensitive to even the slightest signal (my wife - an ex ballroom dancer) which means they move on poor signalling too (my wife is good enough to adjust for poor leading) and this creates out of step, out of position conflicts.

The randomization of dance partners forces both to pay attention and to listen to the other person in order to adjust appropriately. The man has to make sure his signals are clear without being mechanical or violent in the motion, the woman ha to learn whether she can trust the signal or pause before committing to the step. The introduction of random behavior, mixing of styles and unfamiliar patterns creates better dancers, and is likely why many of the "natural dancers" who have been raised in dancing communities may never have had lessons yet can outperform most of those who have. It isn't in their blood, it is in their community.

There are of course other benefits for going to dance socially, but if one is looking to improve, the trial and error approach of it is a fantastic teacher and creates a much more robust understanding as well as the ability to recognize and adjust to the dance partner. I find it amusing to see people trying to force complicated patterns on beginners or like in the case of my 154 cm wife, a 2 meter guy expecting her to lift her hands over his head in a spin without him bending his knees.

It is environmental insensitivity and is much like being selfish as it doesn't take into consideration the needs of the other person. There are likely several reasons that many women like men who are able to lead well on the dance floor as it is indicative of their ability to pay attention to the movements of the woman and find rhythm - but luckily, men who dance are gay so no worries fellas, stay at the bar drinking ;)

Randomization and changing dynamics is something I quite enjoy in life as it brings in spontaneity as well as opens doors for possibilities one might not choose themselves. It is very easy to play it safe in this world, stay in the lab testing for result, even if it is a poor indicator of capabilities in the real world.

I met my wife dancing and knew I was going to marry her well before she knew that she had chosen me and as unlikely as it was, the randomization of the pieces of the world brought us together. The randomization also introduces a great deal of challenge too but, comfort zones are not where skills are battle tested and as they say,

A ship in harbor is safe, but that is not what ships are built for.

There are a few more posts I want to write around some of these themes, but they can wait til later.

Taraz
[ a Steem original ]