Next in line
Next in line
Where was the first, who was there to see,
around the corner is always another.
Sister, brother, mother to some they may be,
To one no more than a midnight lover.
Left or right to choose the night's sound,
a flight of fancy a dalliance in the dark.
A park and a bark from an angry hound,
Falling leaves and a laughing lark.
Trialling the waters to see what fits,
Too hot and too cold the winds will blow.
There are none good enough she spits,
but none are known long enough to know.
Smiles and styles of a changing breeze,
Socks and shoes muddied by the rain.
Alone in the cold to eventually freeze,
A life lived moving in continual pain.
Taraz
[ a Steem original ]
May I set a challenge for one of your next poems?
I am not a poet so I am likely to fail it but, I am game :)
First I want to apologize for bringing this up here but I think good may come out of it.
I was reminded of two different works of art by your poem.
One was Iron Maiden's song Fear of the Dark (one of their most popular) because of the general feeling and also the rhyming style that is strophes 1-3 and 2-4 .
The other was... wait for it... Yeah, I thought of a book again, can you believe that? In Lord of the Rings Tolkien posts poems under the nickname Bilbo Baggins - and they often have the same stile 1-3 and 2-4.
'I sit besides the fire and think
of people long ago.
Of people who will see a world
that I will never know...'
Out of 3 poems that I thought of, 1 is not like that, it is 1-2 and 3-4 in terms of rhyming.
However they all have something in common. The song above - as well. Each leading strophe/raw has 8 syllables and there's a stress or at least a pause on the 4-th syllable in the middle of the raw. Some raws are shorter than that but still sticking to a pattern (8-6-8-6).
Sometimes 8 could become 7 or 6 could become 5, of course, where needed...
Some exceptions in the song like 'When the light... begins to change' but they kind of pause anyway and it could easily be 'And when the light... begins to change'.
What helps them achieve that rhythm is they all use mostly short words. And sometimes they post sentences of only one word with with or without an article near it. Like in your 'A park and a bark...'
I also got reminded of Stephen King's 'A rose. A key. An unfound door...' - same 8 syllables with the fourth one (key) being stressed.
By the way I am not good at inventing the meaning of any poetry I just have some training in editing stuff. Journalistic stuff at that. But I believe that if you try that rhythm you will like your next work's melody.
I will give it a go. As said, I am not a poet, a writer, a journalist; I just free write my thoughts. :)
Great :) I know you did say that I just hope it will be fun and bring you satisfaction. See you soon :)
I try to invoke the haiku bot to perhaps detect my pattern.
Your title and picture of the line of flowers on the stem intrigued me and your poem is very lovely. Following.
Such beautiful words! How lucky your woman is! You are such a romantic.
"Alone in the cold to eventually freeze" - I think there's always someone who can warm up.
Really nice poem and flowers are so lovely..!
How are you dear friend?. Wow! stunning view of this flower. Very good job.
Follow and upvote my content if you like i will follow back to you. Click my profile and see my content. @wfuneme