Guilty as charged
Have you ever felt guilty? I would assume that we all have at some point. Did you feel the guilt because of what you did or that you did it?
I was thinking about this today. Not because I felt guilty but just because that is the way my mind works at times, it grabs an idea from somewhere and runs with it. Sometimes I feel like I can't keep up, sometimes I don't want to because it tends to go to less enjoyable areas too often.
I used to feel guilty quite often when I was younger, but rarely for the things I did. I felt guilty for the things I didn't do. This doesn't happen often now and when it does, it is met with curiosity.
I think that guilt is the way it is for it cannot be the first time it has been experienced. Whatever act led to the guilty feeling must be a repeated act in body or mind and evaluated as negative for it to be recognised a a negative again.
One can't feel guilty over an act that one does or doesn't do if that act is a first. Even though later, retroactive guilt could come into play, I would suggest that it is more likely to be embarrassment and disappointment for not 'knowing better'. It would still come across as guilt though but it would be the ignorance that causes the guilt, not the first time act.
Guilt is a powerful emotion and can be manipulated internally or externally in order to evoke an action or non-action. Even a 'good' action can be manipulated by guilt and this is why I think that we should all spend some time trying to understand it as it has the power to direct our movements
The reason it is so powerful is because guilt attacks us, well, what we think of ourselves. Guilt is a part of the ego, it is a mechanism that clicks into action when certain conditions are met.
Generally, guilt is felt when we have expectations of the way we should act in certain situations but act alternately. Expectations are of course built from our experiences and learning of the past so this demonstrates again that our guilt must come from something we already know.
The issue then is, if no one wants to feel guilty, why do things that raise the feeling?
Again, we return to a point where many pains connect. Desires, our wants. We desire things, even if they conflict with what we do not want.
Desire are for some future results based on lessons from our past, for to desire is to feel that it is not already in possession and then actions will be taken to satisfy the desires. This creates conflicts between the desire to have something and the desire to have something else that isn't seen as being able to exist together.
I want to keep the money in my pocket, but I don't want the guilty feeling of not putting a coin in the charity tin? What to do?
It is a lose/lose situation so the ego makes a choice and attempts to evaluate which costs it the most in pain and then chooses the less painful. The less painful is of course evaluated at an individual level based on how a person's ego is constructed.
Like most of our emotional wiring, we build the framework for guilt in our childhood, we even teach our children to feel guilt for not living up to the expectations of an authority, or doing things that the authority has deemed negative.
This is one of the most violent acts against a child's psyche and can build strong walls through a lifetime and retard much growth, experience and potential. It will manifest in many ways as a person matures.
For example, some people find it very difficult to disappoint others so will make choices that will maximise external approval. Others find it very difficult to go without satisfying immediate pleasures and will take that route more often.
Is one better than the other? Not likely as both are still feeding the ego which, as said, is a past based expectation of what one 'thinks' they are. The ego is not sensitive to the moment for every action born from it is filtered through its desires for the way things should be.
When faced by these dilemmas, the mind justifies one action over another in a vain attempt to lessen the impact of any future pain it is expecting to feel for choosing this way, or that.
I think that the reason I feel less guilt now than before is that I have learned to know myself at a deeper level that I did when I was younger. This means that my actions are more aligned as I have been able to remove some of the conflicting expectations of the ego.
Of course, if I could manage to remove all conflict so that every action is the only action I could possibly make and it is dictated completely through complete sensitivity to the moment, that would make me..?
What happens to the sense of self if the ego is no longer present? Who am I then?
Taraz
[ a Steemit original ]
This is just meant as an interesting (for some) read to raise some questions.
Magnificent and very lucid post my friend. Like each one you make. This one addressing a topic of utmost importance and impact in our lives and that you have elaborated and described so well. So lucid & important that I'm afraid you're going to get very few coherent and meaningful comments on it. ;)
Therefore, the only other thing I will add through my reply to this great post (so it gets at least one thousand additional thought provoking stuff), is the following:
¡Each head is a world and To each his own theme!
¡Upvoted & Resteemed! :)
I got one good comment! Well teo including yours but you know that one already :)
Haha Yes! I can see clearly now what you mean. This is also my opinion that @lillliputt actually is an exceptional rational thinker and good interlocutor full with plenty coherence and eloquence on his/her words as to be very welcome to our outside-the-box little club of commenters on low commented posts. :)
Dear tarazkp, thank you for your insights! I recently got to know the concept of "the inner team". In every situation or in a decision making process there are team members in our head, voicing their separate opinions. Like in your example with giving the coin or not, there's someone generous, someone understanding, someone selfpresevatory, someone jealous etc. If you know your inner team and are a good team manager you can reach authenticity, because every member has a good reason to be there, but how you manage, understand and integrate them is the key. With knowing yourself better, you got to be more authentic and probably felt less guilt, because your decisions fitted your needs.
It's just one more concept to explain something, that someone else could explain in a completely different way, but the visualization and the reconaissance of my team members helped me a lot.
"the inner team" I like that concept. Well put & exposed indeed mate!! :)
This is a good way to demonstrate thanks. Do you think it is okay to kill team members? I would like to retire procrastination to start with.
Thanks for taking the time.
Hey, that was one of my first question learning this concept as well. But no. You have to accept, that every team member has a reason to be there and got you where you are today. The trick is to find out, what positive reason they could have, maybe the procrastinator looks out for you, that you don't exhauste yourself and balances out some other voices like maybe the perfectionist or else. So the team manager has to balance every voice and if he does good, he either silences the procrastinator while accepting his wishes or finds a compromiss, so that you don't feel guilt for not having done the dishes yet... :-)
LoL ¿How on earth wouldn't you like retire to Sir Procrastination from the first row of your Inner Team?
Being you a so restless sharp-sighted observer and prolific thinker ¿Huh? ;)
that's good to know I like your post thanks a lot for sharing and keep on posting ;)
Guilt is inevitable in way or another unless you are a sociopath. We are bound to make mistakes sooner or later and when those mistakes affect negatively someone else, guilt is understandable and warranted.
I feel less guilty about things with age too, but I think this is a function of having more experience based on guilt. Whenever I've done something in the past that made me feel guilt, that changed my approach to things a tiny bit, so next time I had an opportunity to do the same, I subconsiously remembered the unpleasant feeling of guilt from the previous time around and thus there was a higher chance of me avoiding the behaviour.
In fact, I think guilt is not something we learn as children, but part of our inner workings that evolved for us as social creatures. Feeling guilty is tied to our capacity for empathy (I guess) and if we want cooperation, the ability to feel that for each member makes us a better tribe.