Forgetfully yours
Yesterday was my mother's Birthday. I just realised, I forgot. She would have been 73 and it has been 13 and a half years since she died after a decade of cancer.
She told me a story once that when she was 18, she went to a fortuneteller and was told that she wouldn't reach her 60th birthday. As you can likely count, she was 59 and a half when she passed. I don't believe in such things but she did and perhaps she somehow willed the prophecy to life or in this case, to death.
It is amazing how memories fade, how what was a significant occasion once upon a time becomes another day that goes by unnoticed. Although i am relatively pragmatic about death and our fears and connections to it, I can't help but feel a pang of guilt for letting her memory pass from mine. One day, it will be the memory of me that is forgotten but, I do not mind this at all as we all live on.
My mother, remembered or not, good or bad has impacted on my life and the lives of family and friends and strangers in the street. Perhaps yours even, we cannot say. We do not know which shores all of our ripples end up breaking against, we can never understand their complete spread.
It is not far from our action that we lose sight of the consequences and how far ranging they flow. They move for eternity, crashing and fractaling into the distance of space and time. Even after we are gone and our memories fade, even after all we know is gone, what we do continues on.
So, I have forgotten once again, I will hopefully have the chance to forget many more but this is something I cannot say. You live in through my actions, whether you meant it or not, whether I like it or not and even if I change, part of you moves through me always. There is no escape from such things.
There were lots of words left unsaid but that is the way life is, it is not to be dwelt upon, it is not to be reminisced, it is to be lived and part of that is living with death. That of others and the understanding we are in a constant negotiation at its door.
There or another place matters very little, nor does before, then or later as all we have is the here and now.
Happy birthday mum.
Taraz
[ a Steemit original ]
"We do not know which shores all of our ripples end up breaking against..."
cool idea, well put
On my point of view, death is a hardest thing to deal with. Some teenagers that are suicidal that I'd encountered are naive to the outcome of their actions... But what caught me off guard one day was this personal statement of a father that said "In my 33 years of life, I 've never known death until I see it in my daughter's eyes." His young daughter was dying of cancer.
That would tear me to shreds. It's amazing how much more that kind of thing affects you after you have kids of your own.
If I have a fear, this is it.
I can definitely relate.
Watch the movie "Collateral Beauty" featuring Will Smith. Very emotional movie to watch as a father.
I always enjoy your writings, but I loved this one from the very first sentence. Happy Birthday!
We have a saying here in Albania: "May you live long and remember her"
Thank you. That is an interesting saying. A bit sexist ;)
Very touching post tarazkp. My father too passed about 10 years ago. I also feel guilty at times for forgetting significant dates. Like you say, what we do continues on. Thanks for sharing this.
Everyone has different views of death and different relationships with the departed. I try to see it as a natural part of life none of us are so far above. We all make a mark regardless.
Such beautiful writing...Very true. All we have is now, no point in dwelling on the past too much.
Happy birthday to your mum :)
Life moves forward, but it's our choice if we move with it...
Memories fade in time. Many of mine are lost in the urgency of the here and now. As always, guilt is pointless.
such beliefs direct people.
people who believe in something throughout life can even make it happen when the day comes..
happy birthday
This is very heart touching ...there is nothing like a love between mother and son... i always want my mother when i'm not feeling good..
Life is beautiful gift from God, it should be lived with appreciation to God
Happy Birthday to you mom. I pray that she goes to Paradise. Life goes on as it is when we are going to live like that. It is true that everyone will die one day.☹️