Dog walk diaries: Mannered children
We went to a kids playground in the city this afternoon and the difference in parenting styles is quite apparent. After, we went to a cafe and noted more of the same with various children. It seems that a lot of parents just let their kids do whatever they want, with no mind of those who may be around them.
Kids were running through, screaming, biting, kicking each other and their parents, knocking other people's tables and spilling their coffees and; the parents seemed oblivious. Or perhaps, powerless. The children had free reign but, there was no consequence to their actions.
Our daughter has 'limited' freedom in our home and even though she is not quite two, she understands she holds some responsibility for her action. Today she fell over while playing and split her lip on a tooth. Although she cried at the pain abd shock as we held her, she comforted herself by saying, It's okay to herself.
When we are out of the house she has free reign also but, she tends to be on the cautious side. I wonder if this is because she realises that she will pay the cost of mistake rather than be able lay blame.
In the cafe, one little boy who was crawling under the tables misjudged the height and stood and banged his head. He ran to his mum saying, "The table banged my head". He was around 5 years old. Our daughter would reverse that statement and put the responsibility on her, not blame the table.
I wonder what this will lead to in the future. Perhaps she will be more reserved and unwilling to pay the cost ot, perhaps she will be more thoughtful and consider more deeply. Maybe she will be less risk taking or perhaps, be more risk taking as she better evaluates the upsides. I don't know.
What I do think though is that while parents sit staring at their phones, inattentive to their children, the kids will likely not learn the consequences of being inconsiderate of others until tbe cost is much higher than a parental reprimand from time to time.
It is hard to know which will lead to a better life but most likely, those that don't care about others when young, will become adults who don't care about others. They could be very successful materially but will they be happy?
It is too early to tell how are daughter is going to live her life but, if happy is the goal, healthy relationships are likely required. If someone doesn't care about others, is a healthy relationship possible?
Taraz
[ a Steem original ]
(posted from phone)
My wife and I observed similar child behavior in the 1980’s. At the time the difference centered around parental influence at home. Children who spent their days under child care services behaved badly. We decided my wife would not work. Our children are fine. Our finances suffered.
I like this subject. I have also noted with concern this phenomenon: parents are not looking after their children in any way. I observe with concern how children are educated on television, on the Internet, by friends. It makes it easier for them to set them free than to put them in control. The misunderstood upbringing. Parents wanting to be friends and forgetting their true role as educators, exemplary. You're doing fine, @tarakzp. I'm sure your little girl will thank you in the future.
I think in the future this will be a much larger class gap issue than people think. Children who learned discipline and responsibility and, those who didn't.
I've said that many times lately. You are in Finland, children running around wild in the coffee shop is behind what I see transpiring at times. It's totally unbelievable. I take my grand kids to the splash pad across the street and listen to parents spew multiple four letter expletives in just one sentence. They don't care that they talk to their kids that way either. We are headed for one of the biggest gap issues to ever face a generation, it makes where the future of the world is headed rather scary.
I agree and I hope that I can help my daughter be on the 'right side' of the gap. Whatever that means.
I know right. Spending more hours wondering how far away to move once my house is paid for or staying and taking the chance the whole bottom doesn't fall out and it will work out in the end.
That is one of the most terrifying things I've heard! The implications of that little guy not being taught to take responsibility for his actions are enormous! He will be like some of the teenagers I taught who managed to blame everyone and everything else, besides themselves for their shortcomings.
It's a strange world we live in @tarazkp :)
I agree completely.
I recently attended a concert and many children ran from one place to another, they were not allowed to enjoy themselves and their parents did nothing to keep their children next to them. At the microphone, parents were alerted several times to be aware of their children. Apparently this behavior is seen in many places.
Children must learn to respect from the moment they are small, because then the world will make them see that they are not right, there are spaces in which they can not have the freedom to do what they please, either because they could be harmed or because they disturb the peace of others.
Everything is education and it starts when they are little. You're doing the right thing. She will be grateful in the future for having received early education.
I think that those who do not learn how to consider others will likely end up quite lonely in the future unless there is some kind of intervention. Parents want their children to be happy so give them all they want, not what they need.
Its a lack of respect that is past down from parents to their children.
The culture has been changing for some time.
Even the people working at the cafe do not have respect for the other patrons. There is nothing wrong with one of them saying to the parent this is not a playground.
Instead its easier to just inconvenience oneself and just go along. Unless of course its about religion or politics then everyone has a backbone and a dog for comfort hiding in their safe space.
Once upon a time I worked at a McDonald's and the amount of parents who thought the playground was a babysitter was amazing. They would leave their children there and expect staff to look after them and solve fights. Not on my shift ;)
That is sad.
People complain about child services. Its a shame that they are even need.
I think society has misunderstood the idea of freedom. Freedom is not doing what you want, freedom is being responsible for what you do. We're raising child controllers who don't respect space and people. The education your daughter has at home and the education she sees around her is what will form her character. I hope you choose the one you offer her home, she will surely be a good and responsible girl. Thank you for sharing, @tarakzp
Yep. I don't think society has misunderstood, I think it is engineered for control purposes. Laying blame on others creates victim thinkers who are easily manipulated.
These days I observed a curious situation: the mother of a child, who had been restless in the doctor's office, reprimanded him and a woman who was nearby told him not to do it because it could traumatize him. He didn't hit him, he just caught his eye. I don't know how a few words can traumatize a child. We are in a reverse society: cats run after dogs. Now parents can't guide their children. Thanks for this post, @tarazkp
Many no longer understand what trauma is.
Well, let me say this though - I think you're worrying too early. She's 2. Am sure there are no life defining personalities that can be formed at her age. Reserved or not though, she'll still be wonderful
85% of the brain structure is formed by 3 years of age and this directs a host of experience including ability to learn. By 12ish, personality is near set completely and any changes thereafter either come through immense effort or, traumatic experience. People wait too long before thinking about their children's happiness I think. She is and likely will remain wonderful though :)
I am glad to have collided with this as I am refreshing my feed. First off, I was raised by a strict mum but she was my best friend. When I became a parent, I automatically leaned on how I was raised but with a twist. I chose to talk to my children over the frequent beatings I got.
Point is... Parenthood to me is a personal journey BUT if you mess that journey up even without letting us know, whoever you are raising will. We have a responsibility as parents to raise children who understand how to take responsibilities and also how to behave.
Your daughter can't go around knocking peoples' drinks, biting other children or screaming because as young as she is, she's aware it's not right. You did that. You and her mum. And trust me (my children are way older), it's the best thing you can do for a child. You should see my face when someone compliments one of my children for being disciplined or polite :D
Wht I am hoping is that through understanding people and considering her own actions, she will be able to find her niche earning by doing what she loves.
I was about to pitch in then I realized am not a parent...walks slowly away
We all hope for that Taraz but I still think where you have her will get where you hope she will end up. I might be also wrong though, sigh.
Empress, it's a beautiful journey but I think it shouldn't be rushed. Talking from experience :)
Don't let that stop you by any means. I am not a scientist but still understand that polluting the world is not a smart way to go for humanity.
I have seen her playing in waters this afternoon(she posted this in her blog). I'm very happy to see how she understands her parents at this young age. I guess she is not even 3 years old. Raising children today is very difficult than it was earlier in 1990s . Lot of Gadgets around them try to provoke their thoughts and keep them busy And then those accidents.I have little cousin brother who keeps repairing all the things day long and it is very difficult to control him.
She turns 2 next month :)