Be patient, it'll get better.

I have said before that writing for me here is cathartic and this tends to be with every post I write but, sometimes, I just need a little self-therapy. This is one of those times so I am just going to write and see where it leads.

We have had a few days similar over the last two years but this morning, was by far the worst. My wife rushed in to the bedroom after our daughter woke up saying, something is wrong. I ran into her room and she was on the floor having tiny seizures every few seconds. I told my wife to call emergency and I took her into my arms. She couldn't focus and her face was spasming, much like an epileptic fit. She was scared but, her eyes were blank.

As my wife was on the phone I went and with our daughter in our arms I went and threw some sugar in water and forced as much down as I could. When the EMTs arrived, her blood sugar was very low but after a couple of tests it started to climb and she started to gain back her attention. But, the seizures didn't stop.

We have spent the day at the hospital and have seen a neurologist who is keeping her there overnight for observation but, doesn't think there is reason for concern. She had an EEG on her head which showed 'spikes' of activity during the seizures which the neurologist said should settle but might increase her changes of epilepsy. They will run a full MRI later to make sure there is nothing else that could be causing it.

Right now I am waiting for foods to boil on the stove at home as due to dietary restrictions for allergies, we need to provide everything ourselves. This is the space I am using to write this. My wife is with our daughter at the hospital and I will return there soon, only one parent is allowed to stay overnight though. When I left them, my daughter was excitedly reading a Peppa Pig book on the floor. Considering she has had pin pricks for blood sugar tests, blood tests, an EEG, prodded, poked and sat in a hospital for 8 hours, the only time she cried in the entire day was when she wanted more yoghurt and we didn't have any. I am in awe of my daughter in so many ways and if anyone in this world can claim Natural Stoic, it is her.

As I drove home from the hospital I was thinking about various parts of the day and, various exercises I have done in the past where I have simulated various negative event and attempted to deal with them before I ever have to deal with them. Although not exactly what I have simulated as an event, my reactions were consistent with the response I had mentally rehearsed. People might find the idea of imagining a range of negative scenarios morbid but, when they happen to arise, those that do are glad they did.

The last few years have been struggle after struggle when it comes to health issues for all three of us yet, we have made it through so far although, definitely not unscathed. We bear a lot of scars between us but, at least our emotional selves have managed to be relatively intact as rather than avoid the pains, they are welcomed in for a discussion. Dealing with emotional negatives is not enjoyable but, it is a great deal better than living with them in my opinion. I am hoping that as our daughter grows, we can help her come to terms with some aspects of her life and create the tools necessary to be able to deal with them herself.

As said, writing is cathartic because whilst some people use their hobbies to escape, I use mine to discover as much as I can about myself and negotiate terms with my past, present and future self to attempt to remove the conflict points that could steer me awry if given the chance.

I dislike days like these but, I welcome the lessons they bring and again, it is my daughter today that offers the lessons in the way only children can. Honestly and openly and with a sensitivity to life that is innocent to the pressures f social restriction. Rather than dwell on the pains of the morning, her afternoon was happily filled in the children's ward play area discovering all the new things she hadn't seen before.

Several of our friends who knew of the difficulties of the birth and just after said at the time that "Don't worry, a rough start means smooth sailing later." The funny thing is that they stopped saying that. However, my daughter has learned something from me that will hopefully treat her well in life recently. When she asks for something that she can't have straight away and I say, "Soon." She replies...

"Daddy says, Be patient."

The food on the stove is almost done so I must pack it up and get back to the hospital so, I will get to the comments I have missed today sometime later. Thanks for listening.

Taraz
[ a Steem original ]