My Saturday night

So there I was standing perfectly still at the gym recording other people work out for sexymatty's fitness challenge (mental reps count!! don't judge me!!), when suddenly one of the hottest girls I've ever seen started to dance for my camera.

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And sweet jesus did that give my heart a good workout, blood started pumping everywhere (if you know what I mean). So of course I decided I had to make my move. I crossed the room to be as far away from her as possible so when our eyes met from across the room she could tell our grandkids it was magical. I stopped and turned around, waiting to get her attention, as soon as I got it I waved happy to grab the attention of this goddess

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Immediately I felt a connection she just looked back at me with a look of readiness eagarly awaiting my next reaction. I was stunned, she looked even better not that her face was out of focus and my eyes could wander unimpeded all over her body. Finally when my gaze got back to her face I knew she wanted me. Even in the gloom of that sweaty gym she was giving me all the right signals.

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I was amazing, I swear an audience showed up out of nowhere, like we were on a daytime chat show talking about our forbidden love because she was a Leo and I a Taurus. The stars had aligned at our birth and deemed us not to work, but how was I to deny such a strong sign that we were meant to be together. I love girls that put things in their mouths. I must admit this got the juices flowing, I imagined myself enjoying her later that night but alas I feared my manly impact was too much for her, for what I imagined was not a gentle creek but a ship in a storm

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Suddenly I was unsure of myself, what if I drown? What if we have twins? but they're so sexy no one will want them and so we end up without grandkids... Thats when it happened. Oh dear lord! it was a good thing we were on opposite sides of the room, had we been any closer I fear I might have hurt the poor girl. As it stands however I all I did was impress everyone

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It was as Thor himself had enjoyed the pleasure of Aphrodite, In that moment I could have extinguished the sun.

And that is the story of how my brand new shoes got wet, I swear mum!

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Said no one ever...

_{This is my entry for the #comedyopenmic contest. And although I've let to sleep with any judges I am still willing}