Chasing After The Ideal: Negotiating with Oneself

I like talking to myself for as long as I can remember. I thought it was weird when I was younger, so I took the effort to suppress it for a long time. Still, people closest to me would every now again catch me murmuring alone. At some point I thought I was crazy, but I now understand what I am doing. Often what I am really doing is negotiating with myself.

More often than not, we know exactly what we need to do. For one reason or another, we either avoid it, or do something completely different. In a great majority of time, the reason is because we are afraid to face the negative emotions that taking responsibility entails. I heard these statements way too often when I was in the corporate world.

• "I don't really want to take any additional responsibilities yet."
• "I enjoy what I am doing now, and I am not sure I'd like the new role."
• "I'll get to it tomorrow (or next week, or at the start of next month, or next quarter, or next year)."
• "I am not sure I am ready for that."
• "I don't have the time to learn how to do that right now."

“Until you value yourself, you will not value your time. Until you value your time, you will not do anything with it.” ~ M. Scott Peck

Measures of Success & Goal Setting

There are plenty of definitions given to success, but they have one thing in common - they are measured against an objective to begin with. This is to say that one is only really successful when a goal or set of goals are achieved. Goal setting then is the fundamental building block of success. Without a goal, one simply can't be called "successful".

In my tenure as a rank and file employee until my last day holding a leadership position responsible for hundreds of staff, we are always asked for Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant, and Time bound (SMART) goals. Any reputable organization have something similar as a model for goal setting.

Now here comes the problem.

Most people, especially the ones in the corporate world, know about good goal setting practices, and many apply them in their work. Yet a great majority don't apply those practices with their lives, as if their work is actually more important. This will lead us back to the five statements I listed earlier:

• We don't want to take anymore responsibilities than what we are actually being paid to do. Because we are not getting paid in a regular interval to manage our lives, we don't feel like taking that responsibility.
• Many of us have "happiness" as a goal. The stress, anxiety, failure that are all part of taking responsibility does not lead to "happiness".
• We believe we are still young and can afford to procrastinate.
• We don't think we actually have it in us to go after success.
• We simply don't have anymore time to give, because we are doing an awful lot already.

How Can We Change This?

Between the years 2002 and 2005 were the happiest of my entire career in the corporate world. I did pretty much whatever I like including going AWOL on six different organizations. I didn't care about making a difference, I avoided any additional tasks outside of what I was getting paid for, I didn't even have to feel responsible for giving my notice. If happiness is a measure of success, those three years were my most successful.

I am not saying anyone should be miserable, what I am saying is that "happiness" should not be in your short-term or even mid-term goals. Going after happiness in the short-term will not allow you to be willing to face the things you least want to face, going into the darkness and bringing it to light, accepting that you are flawed and that it's alright, and overcoming the limitations of your being. These are all required to be the best version of yourself.

Think three years back then ask yourself; where will I be now if I did not prioritize happiness and took responsibility for my own life instead? Chances are, the answer will get you depressed. But hey, you can do the same three years from now, and hopefully your answer will at least be less depressing.

Start negotiating with yourself. How much of the "happiness" pie are you willing to give up today for taking responsibility of your life?. There's a great chance it will be a small piece in the beginning. Don't stop the negotiations until you're giving success more importance than happiness.

Credits:

Man in the Mirror Cover Photo Background - Flickr
Sleeping Man in a Couch - Flickr
Archery Goal - Pixabay
Stress, Anxiety, Depression - Pixabay
Question Marks - Pixabay
Pocket Watch - Pixabay