Comedy Open Mic Round 43 : Don't Get Too Comfortable, Over The Silver Sky To The World Of Never, Will Return After The Holidays.

That's right. In case it escaped anyone's notice, tomorrow is what is known as Christmas Day. I'm against it myself, but there you go. When does anybody listen to me? You see I'm one of the few people who have thought it through. Most of the rest of the population are too distracted getting drunk at Christmas parties and fucking embarrassing people. Waking up next day and going "Oh no, I didn't did I?" the answer is always yes you did.

(The copyright for this image is the property of India.com.)

I should be happy that there's a strong possibility two relationships have been destroyed and at least one person has been fired. Ordinarily I'd be delighted. At Christmas time this joy in others stupidity and misfortune is ruined, by the dangerous concept of PEACE AND GOODWILL TO ALL MEN. Have you any idea what this would do if it actually caught on? The tremendous harm that would be caused if this ridiculous notion gained even the slightest traction? Twitter would be fucked for a start, as would most social media. YouTube would close down. Entire industries would be destroyed, because no one would be clicking on anything. What would be the point? Cat's and kittens can't carry the entire weight of the web on their tiny shoulders. All those lies and misrepresentations would vanish. Clickbait would be reduced to things such as that stunningly gorgeous Chinese lady on YouTube. The one I forgot to bookmark and must now live without forever. Sorry, I've suddenly become emotional. I think I might have just triggered my PTSD. Why God why? Why didn't I add that to my favorites? I could have pretended I was interested in the tech she makes and then wears.

It's so unfair. I didn't even know she existed until Patreon closed her account, because of her content. There was nothing wrong with it in my opinion. Granted there wasn't enough hate speech for most people's taste. She wasn't even racist or antisemitic and she didn't promote violence against others, but so what. You can't have everything Patreon. Not everyone is filled with hate towards others. I accept that. It's unfortunate, but it's about free speech or something. Ironically an idea the Chinese never came close to inventing first. It still hasn't crossed their minds yet. I'd have even offered to up the rate at which I produce hatred of everything, if only I could remember who she was. I suppose I will just have to be happy that my hatred of Patreon has rocketed.

Now that I've got that off my lap I will continue to fight against tolerance and acceptance of those who are different to me. If we have universal goodwill towards all, who am I going to flip off on the freeway? I'll no longer be able to kick a homeless man or punch a cripple. I won't even be able to laugh when I see an old lady fall and break her hip. The pleasure of watching a small child weeping brokenheartedly, because their balloon has been blown away, that'll be gone. And they're not even real humans. I've already lost that Chinese babe and the will to live, all the pleasure will have been sucked out of my life. For absolutely no benefit in the long run.

Unless we act now all of our anger and hate inspiring news feeds will be empty, or as good as. Who wants to click on somebody doing something nice to someone else? I know I don't. I'll tolerate it in that Chinese girl (Oh fuck why can't I remember her YouTube channel?), for deeply personal and private reasons, there's no need to go into here. The time has come to rise up and march to our senate's and parliaments. To force them to ban the spread of this iniquitous Christmas good will shit. It's too late for this year, but we must campaign for the abolition of this dangerous creed. No more Christmas' ever. Let the streets run with blood until our demands are met and everyone can get back to hating everyone else for no rational reason.

I would like to nominate @superlao and @caribbeancrypto for the next round.