The Illusion of Adulthood
Surely I'm not the only one. Perhaps you, too, feel like an adult impersonator.
Do you look around at the other adults and think, um, I am clearly not properly adulting here? Do you feel like there is some secret you weren't let in on? Do you still love fart jokes and silly faces? Would you rather swing than, well, pretty much anything else? Do you regularly find yourself thinking that playing with kids' toys is one of the best parts of having children?
It's not that I'm not responsible. I am. I may, in fact, be overly responsible in that I totally and completely overthink everything and strive to constantly be all things to all people. Except of course when I totally lose it and turn into a raging lunatic. Those are my two states of being: pretending really hard to have my shit together and totally ballistic. Ok, I may be exaggerating a tiny bit.
It has more to do with the idea you have in your head as a child of what a grown up is. Do you remember what you thought of adults as a child? They have their shit together and always handle all the things. As a child you can relax and play knowing everything is in relatively perfect order. Well, I don't have jack shit in perfect order, unless we want to dive into an existential conversation on the perfect order of chaos. I also have very few things handled before the very last minute.
Adults also get to do whatever they want. Again, this is not my life. I saw a meme the other day that said adulthood is having the “we have food at home” conversation with yourself. It's also having the “you can't go out with your friends because you have work to do” conversation with yourself. Me, myself, and I had this conversation earlier.
Who told us these lies? Why do adults maintain this illusion with children about what being a grown up is? Maybe because it's depressing. Maybe we don't want our kids to know how tentative it all is. Maybe we know it's supposed to be different, and we're embarrassed that it isn't. Maybe we don't want to admit that kids have it right, and we are the ones going about it all wrong.
I only know I still feel like I am floundering and have no clue how any of this really works. I really do sense we are going about it all wrong. I also sense we are on our way to fixing it, but we don't seem to know quite how to get there. I know I don't. My best clue is that I think it somehow involves living in community. Pretty sure it involves smashing the patriarchy and demolishing global capitalism. I think we are supposed to play more and struggle less. I think we are supposed to trust things will work out and that it's all handled. I think we were supposed to stay kids.
Much love, y’all!
As always, all pics are mine or pixabay unless otherwise noted.
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No need to romanticise childhood, because let´s not forget, as a child you totally depend on your parents, or other adults, for your wellbeing, and there are some pretty shitty parents out there.
As an adult you can try to be free.
Many people aren´t even trying, because they don´t leave the child state, they are looking for a parent substitute (spouse, state, society, religion) to take care of them.
Sir ;likedeeler: i totally agree with your views.
It's true that so many children end up with shitty childhoods because of the adults around them, but the actual nature of children is very pure and authentic. We aren't born assholes or racists or sexist or giving a rat's ass about any religion. We are born free. It's only from the influence of broken adults that children lose their freedom. Last night I watched my 4 yo dance at a Belize Independence Day festival. She could give two shits what anyone thinks. Older kids and even adults were laughing at her wild dancing, but she's the one who is free.
Adults do seek out that affirmation and parental substitute, especially if they were shamed for being who they are as a child. With decent adults, childhood is beyond romantic. All us grown ups could stand to shut up and listen to what unfettered freedom really sounds like.
I love this way you put it. I had a realization that all of us adults are children whether we realize it or not. We are just playing more serious. But we are all waiting to laugh and play at the moments notice. Some of us are more serious than others so it might take more notice :) Sometimes, when I can think of it, I like to view other adults as children when I interact with them. It makes some interactions more meaningful and entertaining :)
I have had some really powerful teachers around play, and I think play for adults is a big, up and coming field of, um, "research." Our play is different, but when you think of play as something that you become so immersed in that you lose track of time, it becomes more important and more valuable, maybe even crucial to our existence.
Haha I love this. Of course we don't have things worked out it's all totally an illusion and anyone who tells you they and anyone who tells you they have being under control is it crazy person. I think my son has always known I am still a child haha bless him. But you're doing all right I reckon you gorgeous soul
You know, I just love you. None of us have this game wired, and I think the more we play, the better. Some days I feel like I'm failing horribly, but I think you're right. I'm probably doing ok.