Ulog #2: Today's Epiphany
Hi everyone!
Today has been quite productive so far! We haven't heard back from Jared's aunt since I asked her to help pay for Jared's Ketamine depression treatment, and we figure that is an answer in itself. I'm not going to harass her over it. Either way Jared said the antidepressants are starting to make him feel better, and the constant anxiety is starting to be somewhat lifted. Today he applied for 6 jobs online! He's also finally going to mow the lawn, and boy, is it a jungle out there! I hope he doesn't break the mower!! 😂 Thank you to everyone for the prayers and well wishes!
Earlier today we spoke of many things. We discussed the pros and cons of homeschooling vs public school, and were reaffirmed in our conviction to continue facilitating learning here at home. We also spoke of the steps we are going to take to ease the kids back into the swing of things after a pretty long break, starting with more restrictions on screen time and getting their bedtimes under control. There are definitely challenges ahead, and my belief in our path needs to be more powerful than my own comfort sometimes in order for us to be successful.
The subject turned to how unpleasant it is for us to feel judged, and how annoying it is to listen to someone we are close to gossip about everyone else. We wondered what this person said to them about us. Then something struck me. A sudden moment of introspection made me realize that I am judgmental toward others in my life too. My children and husband are often met with my disapproval, and I get annoyed easily. My mind pretty much slapped me in the face when I had this epiphany!!
Coming to this knowledge about myself was a long overdue step forward. I thought What right do I have to be so critical of them, never wanting to be judged myself? If I know how it feels, why subject my children to the same feelings?
I am often salty:
- When my kids are being too wild
- When my kids make a mess
- When my kids don't listen
These are just some examples...
I felt disapproval and judgement often when I was child, especially from my step-dad, and I can attest from experience, that this type of behavior from adults never produced a positive result out of me, yet this was my example. I need to break the cycle!
To be offended about other's displeasure toward me, while continuing to express displeasure toward others makes me a big hypocrite, and is not healthy for our family. If I truly feel that the negative behavior of those around me is wrong, positive behavior needs to start with me.
Jared reminded me that often when a person undergoes a change, they can be bothered by the others in their life not following suit. If you expect change from everyone else, you may end up disappointed and critical all over again. He has a point lol!
So from this moment forward I will make it my goal to act in a more accepting way, especially when in a stressful situation.
Thanks for reading!
Love, snowpea ❤
Images from Pixabay
That is just lovely! This made me think about myself as well. Sometimes when we want to break the cycle unconsciously we are being looped back in. It is a hard habit to break but we are learning and we are trying our best to break free. I want to change as well but I feel like I am all alone in this fight that it is tough. It is a conflicting emotion. I want to show how it should be done while maintaining respect without me flaring up lol!
It is a continuous learning process this learning to break the cycle thing.
It's great to know that things are going well with Jared. Finally doing something is a huge break no matter how small that step forward is. Your support in all this is what is making moving forward a success. Blessings!
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It is! I think this is something we'll have to be mindful of everyday if we really want to make progress. Thank you for your thoughtful comment! :)
That is difficult for me too...kids wild or messy or not listening...or fighting. The question is, what should be the attitude or action points when these things occur? I think that will help as these things come up.
Take it easy on yourself friend. These things are human nature. We all are guilty of them sometimes without being aware. My joy is that you weren't adamant to the fact that you might actually be guilty of what you blame others for.
See why I always love reading from you? You are real and human. It is well buddy.
You make a good point. We are all human, and make mistakes sometimes. Thank you! :)
It's a relief that things are going great, and yeah we learn from our experiences and mistakes, they teach us what to tho going forward.
Things are definitely better, I wouldn't say great just yet. Thanks @nigtroy! :)
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