My Mother Would Never Know.

My mother would never know,
That when I snapped at her,
It wasn't really me,
For I was overwhelmed with sadness,
My mother would never know,
That I went into my room and cried,
For hours,
Contemplating suicide over and over again,
My mother would never know,
That I cried to the heavens,
For peace I felt I did not deserve,
My mother would never know,
That her baby girl is dying inside,
From sorrow she could never explain,
My mother would never know,
That I keep on wiping away tears,
And masking up with crooked smiles,
Telling her it would be okay,
When behind closed doors,
I had already put up a noose,
Except my deeply set anxiety,
Made me fear the unknown,
My mother would never know,
That some days I wish to die,
But I never want to have her cry,
And that's why I endure,
That's why I take another breath,
That's why I pop the pills,
That's why I try to believe,
My mother would never know,
That's why I try to believe,
My mother would never know,
That her baby girl,
Is hurting,dying inside,
And maybe that's okay,
For I'd rather put up another crooked
And manage an "I'm okay"
Than break her heart for a pain she would never understand.