Reflecting upon Heartaches - Why do we keep torturing ourselves?

As I left my beloved @things back in Berlin so I could selfishly go on a world trip with my friend, these thoughts occurred to me.

Besides slowly dying of something similar to heartache as six months without seeing her isn't the perfect situation, I also took a moment to reflect upon them.

^{I know this might not be an actual heartbreak, but hey. Shit still hurts. And shit hurts to see her hurt too.}

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Why are humans to negative?

Why do we have a hard time accepting the inevitable? Sometimes you can't change anything about the situation and yet your brain gets all worked up and stressed out.

Why is it, that when I call her and hear her voice, my heart breaks because it chooses to grief over the fact that I can't see her in the next six months. It doesn't think about the fact that I spend an entire, amazing year with her and that we still plan on doing so when we return.

Why do we like to turture ourselves?

Instead of trying to stay occupied, our brain chooses to see the things that remind you of her. Or literally finds anything that might or might not be relevant to her. The type of shirts she wears, those flowers she likes, that brand of shampoo she uses.

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Besides that, it also wants to remain in that pathetic state. Why, out of nowhere, we completely understand and relate to all the sad songs? And all those lovedovey quotes we sometimes see in our Instagram feed because your hopelessly romantic friend loves that type of shit? Yes, now you actively look for those on Pinterest to remind yourself of the way you feel when you're with her. With every thing you read, you can't help but freeze for a second to reminisce even deeper.

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And no matter how ugly that one sweater is that she used to wear, you just want to put it in because it might or might not still smell like her (it still does, by the way).

We turn into sad puddles of pudding filled with tears and heartbreak. And for what?

I trust her and have faith in the strength of both personality and our relationship. I am convinced we can continue it as before. The human brain is just a motherfucker. Y U LIKE THIS?!

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When I made the decision to travel with my friend, I hadn't met her yet. In the contrary, I just came out of my other relationship and came to Berlin for my internship back then. Little did I know that I would meet @things there unexpectedly.

Some people call it brave or are proud of me that I still want to embark on this trip. Am I brave? Or simply selfish and self destructive? We have a long road ahead but I am confident. Long distance relationship, here I come.

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