cinnamon, and the death.
I ran out of time...
I breathe deeply, and it only goes through my mind, the fear of the unknown.
Each person has a different ending, a disease, an accident, a natural death ... who does not dream of a death without pain? to die asleep ...
But it was not my case to die asleep ... the truth is that it was an oversight, wanting to save my dog ...
I will not tell the circumstance, but I am tied to many tubes, and I can not move, just just think and remember, that I can not get out of this ...
It's the first time so many people come to visit me, relatives, people I do not know, the friend ... of the friend ... of my dad's friend or my mom, I literally felt like a Hollywood star, even if I could move I would have put earplugs in my ears, I always heard the same thing:
-Why did he do it?
-Crying
-Crying
Blah blah blah...
At what point do so many old people have so much curiosity about me?
I close my eyes and the truth is super uncomfortable to be like an alien tube, tubes of air, tubes of liquids, tubes of blood, I really do not think it is worthwhile to be useless, I do everything with my body ...
-I will not be able to sing ...
-I will not be able to play music ...
-That really hurt me!
-I WILL NOT BE ABLE TO PLAY!
-SHIT!
-I wonder:
Who will keep my musical instruments?
And my room?
Go ... now they will keep the television that my sister had to leave to leave the country, although if someone sleeps in my room they will feel the smell of gas that I always felt when sleeping and mosquitoes.
My new shoes!
I spent all my savings yesterday for buying a pair of shoes!
-If I had known this, I would have eaten what I liked the most ...
SHAULAAAA, stop thinking about matter!
You know that they will give everything away or they will simply enjoy what you had!
-I did not know that in my mind I could scream louder, than in real life.
I will think of something better ... what are the favorite memories of my senses.
Let's see ... I think ... I think ... I think ... I close my eyes ..
The best I've seen, felt, smelled, and tasted in my life ... people, music, landscapes, good food, natural aromas, aromas of people, how to choose the most special?
Why is this the only day, where I think of the now, and can not I just remember the most special?
The only thing I feel is what I live in this moment, pain ... I see a room that looks like an asylum, aroma of medicine, taste of medicine .. medicine ... what I hate most ... medicine, pills, bitter taste and not being able to swallow ... not being able to see ... in the end, only one eye serves me after what happened to me ... I feel afraid ... and I feel freezing.
Only a few people know what my changes in temperature mean in my body. I've always been warm skin, and when my hands turned to ice is because something happened to me and betrayed me when lying.
Now it happens to me of everything ...
I will try to concentrate ...
the best thing I've seen ... can not no-ot .. think thi...ink.
Silence, silence, silence ... Time stopped for me.
I was in a state where I stopped:
Feel...
Hear...
Smell...
Some of my senses disappeared. and I can only see myself as if I were a clone.
I'm confused ... I left myself, only my thoughts go with me, I can talk but nobody can listen to me, not even myself.
I approach to touch with my fingers the edge of the bed where they left me, but I do not feel anything.
I could only cry ... Shaula ... you have no way back, nor the "erase button you named so much".
Standing in front of me, I began to detail myself and next to me there was a letter:
Shaula, if you detail well, now you can see a number that goes down in the hearts of people.
When you speak, people will not be able to hear you.
People will not be able to see you
Try not to move the things of others.
The only thing you can hear are the thoughts of the people who live, not their words.
You will have the privilege of only walking in the places you want while walking.
The dead do not fly, nor can they teleport from one place to another like in the movies.
I KNEW!
In the movies they lie to us to see death in a more beautiful way ... aja .. I keep reading ...
Only animals can see and hear you.
You can not listen to the living, but to the dead.
Do not be afraid, there are more dead people who live.
Now everything makes sense ... both worlds are united but separated at the same time.
When my dog Canela went crazy, it could have been to see someone ...
I could see how they took me out of the room, my parents were relieved, because they thought that this way I would not feel more pain.
I did not have a funeral like in the movies, they just returned ashes for money.
Father Franklin did the mass, and my friends in the group played for me ... I could not hear what songs they sang, but I could read the lips of Luciana, Jenni, Alejandra and Claudia concentrating singing not to cry.
It was strange to see the music group without me, and I had never seen them so sad.
I only saw the Chino (my boss) cry when Erika went to Italy.
I had to walk from the Eastern Cemetery to my house .. I walked from the Cafetal, to the Cortijos, and from there to Parque del Este.
The dead can not go through walls and doors, it took me too long to enter my house because for obvious reasons my dad and the others arrived first than me ... I just had to sit on the stairs until I expected someone to throw the garbage.
I just wanted to look for something or someone that could feel me ...
I was a little scared, I did not feel the barking of Cinnamon ... and I do not think they took her to my grandmother's house, because she is too old to care for a dog.
Two hours passed (or so I think) and I was worried that cinnamon did not show signs of life either.
I had to enter my house to know what happened!
AJAAAAAA !!!! My dad came out to throw the garbage, he had to run before the door closed with the wind.
Everyone was finishing dinner, the atmosphere was totally horrendous, and Canela was not in the room.
The door to my room was open, thank goodness!
I did not want to scare anyone, and they saw how the door to my room opened on its own.
And there I was, lying in my dirty clothes, on top of my favorite sweater.
I called her and woke up, tried to calm her down so she would not make noise and scold her.
Finally!! I could feel something ... his hairy skin, his legs, and his cold nose running over my face.
At 12 midnight my dad was going to close my room, and get Cinnamon out of there ... I feel happy ... I could see them again and enjoy few things in a limited way, but the memories of the sensations, voices, and aromas would try to keep them forever ...
Cinnamon ... Cinnamon ... I could only stay on the balcony floor hugging her while she was sleeping
Thank you for read my story!!
The sources of my pictures are: