HAPPINESS IN MARRIAGE

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Marriage is the most important and most enjoyable of all human relationships. It is the true basis of all family life. No one should ever enter into marriage thoughtlessly. Too much is at stake. Far too many people are unhappily married because of hasty decisions. True marital happiness requires that both husband and wife be well matched in mind and body, and that they be compatible and easy to get along with. It always takes two people to make a successful marriage, but one alone can spoil it through neglect or selfishness.

Setting up a new home is a great adventure for all who are young at heart. There are so many things to see and do, and so many pleasures to enjoy together. Most thrilling of all is the privilege and enjoyment of a normal sex relationship. Nothing contributes more to a smooth-running home than this. On the other hand, nothing seems to cause more trouble than failure in this “normal” part of human experience. Men and women who are not prepared to understand this simple fact had better not enter into marriage, for they are likely to be very disappointed.

Importance of Sex

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This is the highest expression of physical love that human beings can enjoy — a satisfactory sex relationship. Among most of the lower animals, this does not appear to be true. In them, the sex instinct apparently has only one purpose — that of reproduction, whatever the cost. And once their offspring have reached physical maturity, the parents generally feel no further responsibility. The family relationship then breaks up; the parents may separate and not even recognise their young after they are fully grown.

Not so in the human family. Here things are very different. The young human not only grows slowly, but must develop a mind with reasoning power. Because of this slow growth, a human family must be kept together as unit for the proper training of the children. A broken home is always a tragedy. It is certainly not an ideal place to have a child grow up, but there are times when it might be preferable to a home in which the parents are continually quarreling. Children who have grown up in a home constantly torn with strife and anger.

Marriage does not solve all the problems of life by any means. Take a good look at the people around you. How many of them are really happy? Some may appear carefree and lighthearted, but underneath there is often a feeling of loneliness, of having missed the best things in life. This is often true of married people. Many of these were far from happy before they were married. Some of them entered into matrimony only in the hope that it would solve their problems. But marriage rarely solves major personality problems.

Marriage is for Mature People

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It is highly important for both husband and wife to be mature in mind before they enter into marriage. Many unhappy people are sick both in mind and body. Some immaturely take out their feelings on others, becoming spiteful, cantankerous, unreasonable and harsh in their attitude toward life.

Others turn their frustrated feelings upon themselves, producing ulcers, high blood pressure, tension headaches, indigestion, and many other unhappy symptoms. They are constantly troubled with nervous complaints. Their diseases may appear different, but the underlying cause is often the same. Some of these unhappy individuals felt unwanted during their early years. Perhaps they were unhappy because someone else was the favourite child of the family. Such situations always lead to unhappy marriages and frustration with life.

Most family problems start first of all with the parents. If they are argumentative and have their divergent viewpoints, there is bound to be trouble. If the parents undermine each other in the esteem of their children, they can expect unhappiness. The trouble is often due to one or the other parent not having fully grown up, with the result that no one is happy. No one should consider marriage unless he or she is already a mature adult. This is most important. A mature mind and a wholesome attitude will go a long way in preventing serious trouble in the home.

Avoiding Quarrels

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Whenever something seems to be going wrong, it is wise to bring the problem out into the open for a frank discussion. The sooner this is done, the better. This will prevent the development of serious resentments that only make the situation worse and might in the end destroy the home. Never allow yourself to brood over slights and irritations that can and should be corrected. Talk these probability over with your wife or husband and then forget them. Constant harping over unhappy episodes in the past will only lead to further trouble.

One must also avoid the temptation to become too ambitious. It is true that a wife can do much to help her husband, but she must realise that even she cannot change his whole personality. Many women have made the serious mistake of urging their husbands on to activities that are really beyond their capacity. Their only reason is to satisfy some foolish ambition. It is far better for a man to be happy and satisfied in his work than to overreach himself and perhaps ruin his health and future by trying to live up to unreasonable standards. Many a woman have become widows because her husband has worn himself out trying to meet her demands for things the family could not afford.

The woman’s function is to care for the home and children, leaving her husband the responsibility of earning a living and providing for the family though the woman can engage herself in one form of work or the other to assist her husband if they both approve of it. Nature has fitted her for this role and here is where she will shine best. In some cases, the woman herself may have to become the breadwinner, but generally she will be far happier filling her intended place in life.

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