Gaining Confidence

The old saying, "Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder", is a very true one. Many women who are considered by everyone to be beautiful or alluring are not really so. Both Barbara Streisand and Tina Turner are internationally famous and yet neither is truly beautiful. So why do so many people think they are? The answer is that they both have abundant self-confidence.

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Self-confident people are usually successful both in their work and in their social lives, and are attractive to both sexes. Unlike natural physical beauty, self-confidence is something which can be learned, and which can very much improve the quality of your life.

There are three big steps you can take which will help to boost your self-confidence:

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• Make sure that you are completely comfortable or happy with your appearance. Come to terms with what you look like. If you are very beautiful (and not too many of us are) then you are lucky, for that gives you a good base on which to build your self-confidence. But even if you are only of average attractiveness, knowing that you have made the most of your appearance and have emphasized your best features, will help you to feel satisfied with yourself. If you don't feel confident enough to choose different clothes and/or make-up on your own, tell your mother, sister or friend what you're trying to do. Most people are flattered to be trusted and are usually only too glad to help. When you are quite sure that you look your best, forget about your appearance, knowing that you look attractive and well turned-out. Nothing is more irritating to others than a woman who is constantly looking at herself in shop windows or taking out her hand mirror.

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• Looking your best is only part of building self-confidence. The next step is to overcome shyness. The first thing to remember is that everyone feels shy sometimes. Some people feel shy while being interviewed for a job, while others can cope with that situation well, but fall to pieces when they enter a crowded room full of strangers or meet a boyfriend/girlfriend's parents for the first time.

Everyone, whether basically shy or not, feels more confident if they know what to do in a particular situation. Here are a few tips to help you out on social occasions when there is no one you know present to give you friendly support.

A. Introducing yourself to other guests if your host or hostess does not have time to do so, can be tricky. Try going up to another person standing alone and say: "Hello, I'm Scarlet, John's [the host's] cousin" (or whatever is appropriate), "How do you know John?".

B. Try to look as though you are having a wonderful time. Like I always say, it costs nothing to smile and people would rather talk to someone who looks happy than someone who looks miserable.

C. Listen. Everyone likes a good listener, and someone who gets everyone talking is always a welcome guest.

D. Question. Ask people about themselves — it's everyone's favorite subject! Most people love to relate their problems or give their opinions on the current films or new shopping center.

E. Compliment. The hostess will be delighted to be complimented on the food she has prepared and the host on the way he has decorated the living room. A fellow guest will warm to you if you compliment her on her dress. Making other people feel good helps you to feel the same way.

Image source: Pixabay

• So, knowing that you look your best, and recognising that you can overcome shyness, both help to boost your self-confidence. The next step is to learn to read other people. We call this body language. This term is used to describe the gestures and movements we make all the time — crossing and uncrossing the legs, the way we shake hands, the way we look, stand, walk and sit. All these unconscious actions mean something.

Body language is very complicated, but if you learn to read a few simple actions, it will help you to sum up a situation and feel on top of it. This can be very valuable when going for a job or meeting people for the first time.

Image source: Pixabay

Once you are able to recognize gestures and positions, you should be able to alter the situation to suit yourself; any situation in fact. For example, one way of dealing with a possibly hostile situation is to be completely open with yourself — legs slightly apart, hands and arms outstretched, and looking the other person in the eye. This allows you to influence people.

Thus, feeling good about your appearance, overcoming any feelings of shyness and inadequacy, and learning to understand others, will combine together to give you a feeling of self-confidence and that all-important magnetic attraction.

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