On lonely

On lonely nights, I often play Lexulous, which is like Scrabble but better. I do that right after masturbating.

I like playing with random opponents without knowing who they're. There's something about the idea of a stranger, far across oceans, trying to find the best possible combination of letters for points.

The first word Karen made that night was J-U-K-E-B-O-X. Since it's rare (around 12.9 percent probability) to start with a seven-letter word, I knew she's a good player. She messaged soon after, "Speaking of Jukebox, what's your favourite song?" Now, I don't usually chat with strangers, especially over a Lexulous game. But I replied to her. "It's by Gregory Alan Isakov. Ever heard him?" She said no, and I told her she should.

My first word was H-E-A-R-D, which fetched me 13 points. I was good too. She played next after 77 hours. And I played 47 hours later from her. But we had a ritual: every time we made a move, we left a message for each other using the word.

Over the course of the next few weeks, I learnt she's a married woman living in Johnston, Iowa - which is a small suburb in the United States. Her husband is a toy-maker, and her marriage is almost dead. Also, Karen had lost 3 kids within the 28 days of pregnancy.

Karen often wished that she could hate her husband. "I could've made peace with hatred," she'd say. "But this indifference is suffocating and unyielding." The word she made before sending this message was P-E-A-C-E, which got her 9 points. This was also Karen's last move.

It's been a few months, and Karen hasn't played. Maybe she got divorced and moved to Athens to cook Greek cuisine. Maybe she found better players. Maybe she just got too occupied with something else and forgot about this game.

My last word was J-O-K-E for 15 points. I waited for a while, and then I too moved to playing with different people again. But still, there's a private window in Lexulous where Karen and my game is on a halt, waiting for her to return.