The silent treatment
There is so much going on in my mind right now and I'm trying my best to write my personal experience on silent treatment. In which I am a giver.
Silence is a very powerful tool of communication. As I am seeing it, people are using it when they're angry, if they want to manipulate with someone (lover or a family member) or in my case, they want to protect themselves from being hurt.
I can clearly remember myself as a teenager giving my father silent treatment after a fight, always about the same things. Hormones are wild and you think you know what's best for you. You want to go out and party like a mad man while parents want you to stay home, be a good girl and study. No boys, no alcohol, no skipping classes. Or in my head : "Blah, blah, blah, I'm not talking to you."
But this isn't about that little naive silent treatment which ends 30 minutes later because I knew that my parents love me and they care about me. This is about something different and deeper.
I've coped with social anxiety my whole life and still sometimes during the conversation happens that a trigger (word, sentence) instantly shuts me down and swings me into the bad mood. It makes me want to run away from the world, myself and my mind.
That happend a lot during the last two years. I've changed. I'm not that happy person always making plans, always creating. I am scared. My biggest problem is that I care a lot about comfort of other people. People who I love or people who are family. I don't want to make them sad. So I choose silence instead of words, silence is my defence mechanism.
My trigger for shutting down and giving silent treatment non intentionally, to one specific person, was living in a different family and watching one bad breakup influences and slowly destroys my relationship. It was that, or big, messy words. Red, angry words.
But sometimes the words are simply not there.
My relationship is my holy grail. A sacred place in which I am always safe even running from myself. So when seriously threatened, everything went quiet.
I've learned from that a lot. Instead of being silent I am always engaging in small talks. Deep breathing and saying whatever comes to my mind. It makes me cringe sometimes but if that makes other person happy, I am ok with that. :)
Sometimes silence is not violence. It's a wound.
It's a storm inside someone's head.
Choose your words wisely when someone goes silent.
Love,
S.
(all photographs are mine)
This is such a brave post.
The first thing that came to my mind was 21pilots lyrics.
<3
ajmo reći da su mi oni "otvorili glavu" s tim da je u redu bit tužan i da se ne možeš sa svima bit happy.
Sometimes silence is not violence. It is a wound.....
So true, i wish that more people could understand that, but many people caracterise you like you do not give a f... :/
"Silence is golden."
positive thoughts <3
I understand what are you trying to say - silence as a defense mechanism, it is common for many people. Great pics by the way
Whatever makes you happy dear... Some people talk and some people shut themselves up like you, the thing that's important is that you are ok with it, that it brings you comfort, release or joy in a way. It's ok not to be ok, remember that. It's not ok, on the other hand, to stay in that state of mind and emotions. To strive to be better is good enough. Stay positive and enjoy. This was a very interesting post. Thank you for sharing it.
Thank you for reading :)
I agree, we all have to try and release that negative energy and bad emotions.
I can totally relate with you on that trigger part, like whenever a certain word (somehow connecting to a bad experience from the past) gets brought up, I instantly shut myself off.
Yes, that's it exactly! :)