The recipe for a good relationship
BUONGIORNO!
Lately I have realized how many assholes I have been hanging out with for too long.
It became normal to be scared to contact them to invade their private spaces, to do anything to avoid let them think I want to trap them or that I was a freak stalker, I was scared to hold their hands, call them boyfriends, when it was normal to do that, when it was normal to face responsibilities - it became normal and acceptable to not face it.
I would infantilize my partners, creating the implication that they were either not in control of their actions or that they didn't know any better. They knew their behavior was wrong, and were willfully making choices to manipulate and control me.
It has been like that at least for 4 years.
I believed that “the meal” (a relationship) was all about the ingredients and not how they are cooked.
I hear these frightening terms: ghosting, stashing, slow-fade, zombie-ing, and feel that dating is weaponized and dangerous. I hoped to find a partner willing to go on a challenging adventure which requires total commitment to teamwork - to climb mountains and to bivouac rivers, to watch each other’s back and to take turns cutting the trail ahead.
There is no one “better” out there, only different.
I think there is only one way to know who will be there by your side in 60 years... walk hand-in-hand for 60 years and help each other over the hurdles every step of the way.
Another selfie
Our generation has been stripped of the core values that makes a relationship as strong as my parents.
Everything is disposable.
My parents set such a strong example for me with their marriage, but I feel like there's no people like that in my generation.
We -Kids!- (and adults) need to understand that it’s not always puppy dogs and rainbows.
A good relationship takes a fair amount of work. Open communication, understanding...even when you don’t agree, good times, bad times, sobbing in each other’s arms, laughter...LOTS OF LAUGHTER, and lots of love.
A smile for you!
First, I love all of these pictures. A few months ago I wrote a post on how to properly do relationships, talking about how we must love the relationship itself if we expect it to work. By focusing on the relationship instead of the other person, then most of the manipulation and control habits can be isolated or eliminated. The thing that I left out of the article was the fact that it's been years since I tried to make a romantic relationship work, so all of my great advice on romance should be weighed with that in mind. ;)
Indeed! That is what I am trying to do. I am trying to work it out, yes! I am trying to observe what is passive aggressive and manipulative behaviour.
Nobody has a good recipe. At least I stopped to do tinder. Pat on my shoulder!
So, are you in a non romantic relationship?
Yeah you have to love the relationship itself I think, it allows a more objective stance, and softens some of the habitual barriers that we build.
And so yeah with that formula handy, I'm not in any relationships now, I'm saving myself for something extraordinary.
I'd say communication is paramount.
Of course, there are many other indefinable elements to take into account, but if 2 people can't communicate, there's no way that they will even be able to build a solid relationship.
I know. I've been in a relationship or 2 in which the amount of real communication was minimal, and where it decreased over time. Even though both parties tried (hard, sometimes) to communicate with the other, there was clearly something that did not click. (And I know plenty of other parties who had similar communication problems, and who ended up divorced.)
So, it's good to work at that aspect, and to strive to communicate. But if there are no communication channels between the two, it's best to move on.
By the way, what's happening with the Italian election? Why is Berlusconi running again? I thought he was sent into exile years ago.
Yes, you know I live abroad and I didn't have any Italian partner for ages. Lately I am hanging out with a Brazilian man and it is all another story. The way we point at things, the way we look and we make gestures and our expressions are so similar that I finally feel released I don't have anything to deal with British eating their meals in 5 minutes without chatting or AVOID attitude.
FUCK THAT SHIT!
Berlusconi is not back as candidate but as supporter. He is like God in our country. It is disgusting. I am ashamed to say I am Italian. I want to become a tree.
I've heard similar sentiments from other Italian friends, about Berlusconi.
But when all is said and done, he's just like many other politicians around the world. Although he may be more extreme than most ...
This short video clip, explains the 3 different types of people.......
Brilliant and Hilarious! I truly laughed out loud, as they now abbreviate.
I'll be honest, I've never heard these terms! I'm out of touch with the dating scene. As long as you keep going, you'll find what you're looking for. You're pure gold ☺
Thank you darling! Why out of dating scene?
I am keep going of course, with the flow and everything that comes along ;)
Oh, I'm out of the scene because I've been happily off the market for a few years. @jschindler and I are going strong ☺
You are very lovely, don't settle for less!
Of course I would never do!
I blame Disney
Me too!
What do you mean ?#timonandpumbaTL4ever.
With social media we get the dopamine fix usually reserved from a loving partner. I don't think it can be blanketed over an entire generation. We friend-zone the people who would be our best lovers, unwilling to risk the friendship. We push away when things get to close, or hold to tightly to an ideal that is unfeasible.
Side note: Ghosting, this is when you look away and the other person keeps getting closer, learned it in Mario Bros.
You are very beautiful
Thanks!
I wish you could find a partner who wants to do a challenging adventure
Why would you leave a comment in my post and not upvoting the post itself?
already I vote your post
have anice day @sandrina.life