Death and Grief Part 1

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Introduction

Have you ever thought of your own death? Probably not, it’s one of the scary thing ever that we usually don’t want to hear about. lt is a taboo in some cultures to talk about death and it must not be discussed or considered. This is one of the reason a lot of people don’t take policies to take care of their funerals or even life covers for their families so that they won’t struggle when they die. We want to enjoy life as if we not going to die one of the days. We all going to die at some point, death is inevitable. Almost everyone has watched the movie Titanic and when it was build they said it was unsinkable l think that's why they didn't consider having enough lifeboats for everyone . To them death was a secondary issue and no one was expecting it to happen in such a beautiful and luxurious ship . The essence of this series is for us to be aware of the challenges of death and dying, what really is death, death anxiety, stages of dying, grief and specific losses. This topic will change our mindset and we will be able to see death and grief from another angle. ln part 1 we will cover death and part 2 we will talk about grief.

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It is ironic , perhaps that most of us experience contradictory feelings about death and dying. On the other hand we are fascinated by death , as demonstrated by the popularity of television series and films about murders and wars. We easily and quite comfortably watch movies and TV programs containing images of people dying or who are being killed in wars or genocides. When we deal with death and dying in this way, we feel essentially removed from them. On the other hand , when death becomes more personal for example when our doctor tells us we or one of our loved onces has a life threatening illness, we feel great anxiety and our deepest emotions are involved. Nor do we ever wish to think about death of loved onces, family and friends.

The death of a close friend or family makes a person understand death on a different pespective. I lost both my parents when l was young and naïve. My father died while l was 8 years and my mother died whilst l was 21. l was not prepared to loose them. When my father died l was quiet young l cried but it wasn’t the same as when my mother died. I watched her suffer in hospital till the day she had her last breath. It was the most painful moment ever. Its been 6 years since she died but the pain is still fresh. I know she wasn’t prepared to die and we were also not prepared for her death.Every I went to see her l would cry . if someone talks about losing a loved one by death l quickly understand that person cause l’ve been there. I’m sure age matters in understanding death we shall talk about age later on in this series. All L can say is that death and dying is the greatest challenge of life

The challenge of death and dying

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Death and dying hold different meanings for people in different stages of life. During young and middle adulthood we tend to eagerly live future oriented lives. For most people, death only becomes a more personal experience during the middle years, when their parents die. But it is only during late adulthood that we really confronted by our own approaching death. People in their late adulthood years often turn their thoughts reflectively to their past life. This process of reviewing one’s life can be truly creative if the reflections on life are connected to the unavoidable future event of our own death. A rich reflection on life will enable us to retain life’s meaning in the looming face of death. For many elderly people, such a life reflection result in a breakthrough of hope which takes them beyond the grave. This is when death is no longer feared , but rather seen as a challenge. This comes with the realization that life is a gift to believed in such a way that will give it eternal meaning. The importance of having parents I now understand it now than ever before. When l had them l took them for granted, each one of us who still has parents should make the best out of them.

What is death?

Death and the actual moment at which it occurs, is not an experience that is familiar to most of us. Different cultures hold different views as to when a person can be considered to be dead. If you go to church you know how we quote scriptures on the meaning of death. The difficulty of defining death can lead to ethical dilemmas about matters such as organ donation. Brain death, moreover may not be regarded as clinical death. These issues that we so often treat as unimportant need to be put under the spotlight. All of us we will someday be confronted with death in one form or the other.Clinical death is the medical term for cessation of blood circulation and breathing, the two necessary criteria to sustain human and many other organisms' lives.It occurs when the heart stops beating in a regular rhythm, a condition called cardiac arrest. Brain death is is the complete loss of brain function (including involuntary activity necessary to sustain life).It differs from persistent vegetative state, in which the person is alive and some autonomic functions remain.

Death anxiety

Although we cannot escape death most of us have an intense fear of it. One reason for this death anxiety range from fear of physical suffering to fear of the death of a loved one. The occurrence and intensity of death anxiety are determined by aspects such as gender, religious orientation and personality characteristics. The fear of dying is called Death Anxiety. The reason we fear death is as follows. They is Fear of physical suffering which is fear of terminal illness and loss of physical body parts.Fear of isolation and loneliness which is fear of feeling 'different' because people act strangely and artificially towards dying persons and fear that they will be avoided and become isolated and lonely. Fear of non-being is fear of ultimate non-being when they die. Fear of cowardice and humiliation which is fear of becoming a 'coward' in the face of death; fear of fear itself. Fear of failing to achieve important goals meaning fear death because it will deprive us of achievement and failure to fulfil accomplishments before death. Fear of the impact of death on those who outlive you which is fear of financial, psychological and emotional impact that their death will have on loved ones. Fear of punishment or of the unknown which is fear of going to Hell and opposite issue - faith reduces fear of death. Finally we have fear of the death of others meaning the fear of losing a loved one causing physical and psychological suffering.
Stages of dying

To have a better understanding of the stages of death we going to use Elizabeth Kubler – Ross theory
 Facing the inevitability of death is a key to growth and through this , old people are given a last opportunity to live meaningfully, express their best qualities and find the courage to become what they are destined to be. Elizabeth Kubler- Ross
Although Kubler distinguishes specific stages in dying , we need to keep in mind that death is a highly individual experience . Not everyone goes through all the stages of dying and people may go through these stages of dying and people may go through these stages in different sequences. People may experience certain stages more than once or they may go back and forth between different stages. They is no rigid pattern to the process of dying. Like living, dying is pre-eminently an individual experience.

Five stages of dying

1. Denial – The first typical reaction to the possibility of one’s own death is to deny it.
2. Anger – The individual realises that death is approaching and often expresses anger,
   “why me?”
3. Bargaining – During this stage, individuals try to negotiate with God in an attempt to
   postpone their death.
4. Depression – When the dying person can no longer deny the illness, the anger is
   replaced by a powerful feeling of loss which may cause severe depression.
5. Acceptance – The final stage of acceptance occurs when the person has had
   adequate time and help in working through the previous stages.

THE END OF PART 1

Thank you all for reading
Images are linked to their sources in their description and references are stated below

Authors and Text Titles

Louw , D. & Louw , A (2009). Adult development and ageing. Bloemfontein : Psychology Publications . ABC Printers
Professor I Ferns and Dr EM Cranje : Adulthood and Mturity
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history/unsinkable-titanic-sinks
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brain_death
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clinical_death

thank you @nitesh9 and @rocking-dave for the creation and rights of using the @steemstem gif