Why does my son refuse to obey?

roseri (68)in #edu-venezuela • 7 years ago (edited)

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It is normal for a young child to disobey from time to time, since his developing brain makes it difficult to control his gestures, emotions and thoughts.

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In addition, the young child is motivated by pleasure, so he does what he wants to do instead of what he is asked. Therefore, you need monitoring and help to comply with the rules.

What can be done to promote obedience in your child?

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Be sure to have your young child's attention before giving instructions. To achieve this, you can use the senses of hearing, touch and sight to help your child listen. For example, you can stand at eye level and make eye contact with your hand or shoulder When talking to them.
You can make your child repeat or ask questions to see if he understands. It is a way to make him feel responsible for listening, understanding and respecting what is asked.
When possible, give your child a choice, since his opposition often expresses his desire to decide for himself. Allowing him to make small decisions also favors his collaboration. For example, instead of saying: "Put your cubes in the box," ask: "Do you want to start by storing red cubes or blue cubes? If you refuse to put on your shoes, you can also ask which foot you want to start with. Then, your son feels he has power over his actions.
Be determined Your child responds to the instructions he gives, but also to the way he formulates them. This explains why two parents can apply the same rules, but get different results.
Empathize recognizing your child's desire. For example, if he refuses to go to his bathroom because he plays, tell him: "I know you like playing with the blocks, but now it's bath time." You can play blocks tomorrow. As you feel understood, your child will work better together.
During the "no sentence", between 2 and 3 years, be firm, but understanding. Frame your child and set limits while giving him control over certain aspects of his life. Focus on some important rules to avoid always being in confrontation with him. For example, it is you who set the bedtime, and it is not negotiable. However, you can accept that he puts on the blue pajamas he asks for, even if he has already released the red one.
Try the formula "1-2-3". It works well with young children.
- Formulate the instruction and the associated consequence.
- Tell your child that he will count to 3 before applying the consequence if the instruction is not respected.
- Count to 3.
- If your child did not do what was requested, apply the consequence.
Be consistent in the application of the rules. Consistency in the application of the rules is essential because a young child is more likely to disobey when the rules do not always apply. In this case, your child can even resist even more to understand what the real limits are. For more information on how to apply the rules, see box 5 "C" of Good Discipline below.
When your child does not obey, instead of repeating and impatient, act. Your child always adjusts his reaction time to his tolerance level. If you always repeat one thing 10 times before acting, he puts his mental clock at 10. If he doesn't do what you asked, you can do it for him, but with a logical consequence. For example, the toy that refuses to store is confiscated.
Do not give what you want when you have a crisis. If you do, you will understand that crises are a good way to get what you want.

How to prevent disobedience?

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Reduce the number of rules and insist only on those that are absolutely necessary.
Praise your child when he obeys and does things right. Over time, you will realize that when you follow the instructions, you receive positive attention, which is more pleasant to receive than negative attention.
Apply the "grandmother's rule", which uses the illusion of a reward, for example: "When you have collected your books, we can take out that other toy" or "When you wash your hands, you can sit down to dinner.

When to worry?

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-Some young children are more opposed to the rules than the average child. In any case, consult a doctor if, for several months, you feel that your child:

regularly resists your authority (he does not do what you ask);
Often opposes (discusses, provokes, shouts)
very often demonstrates aggressive behavior towards requests (pushing, hitting or throwing objects).

If your child's opposition is not related to the normal period of affirmation of a young child, the doctor can guide you to the appropriate professionals (for example, psychologist, social worker, special education worker). This will help you establish strategies that establish a more harmonious relationship with your child.