How to set limits on children correctly.

roseri (68)in #edu-venezuela • 7 years ago

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In any family with children, there is always a time when parents face the question of how to set limits for an overly active or even aggressive child. But far from always, mom and dad correctly understand what exactly should be prohibited, in what way, what should be the punishment for violating the prohibitions and if necessary.

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Why are restrictions necessary?

Undoubtedly, restrictions are necessary because children, by virtue of their inexperience, who yearn for something, can suffer unconscious damage. The world of the baby coincides almost completely with that of the mother, but from the age of three, the problem of distinguishing between the physical and psychological spaces of the parents and the child plays one of the main roles.

This is an important part of the educational process: children with a correct understanding of themselves and others "can" and "no" in the future are less likely to suffer various types of addictions and converge easily with people.

How to set limits correctly:

Many parents adhere to a standard boundary setting scheme that clearly distinguishes between good and bad child behavior and the corresponding response. He did good, he praised, he did wrong, punishment.

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At the same time, very often the parents do not even explain to the child why they punished him, believing that he himself must understand what kind of act provoked such a reaction.

In fact, modern psychologists consider that such a scheme is ineffective and even harmful, since a child who does not realize why he was punished begins to experience a constant fear of his own actions, plagued by serious psychological problems. Some children also feel bitter about their parents, who, in their opinion, punish him without reason.

How to find a compromise between power and no, so that the child at the same time understands the validity of the prohibitions?

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1. Prohibitions must always be appropriate for the child's age.

A two-year-old baby may not understand why, for example, it is impossible to pet a stray dog on the street, but at the age of three or four he will understand the explanation of this prohibition. Therefore, punishing a child for something he still cannot understand due to age simply makes no sense.

2. When establishing prohibitions, you must explain your motivation.

Why can't you cross the road to a red light, pick up candy in the street, talk to strangers, put your fingers in a basin, take toys away from your classmates: all this can be explained easily and intelligibly to the children in a simple way? language and understandable.

3. When making prohibitions, always ask yourself if they are sufficiently substantiated.

Is there really a need for this ban?

Some parents find it easier to forbid their children to do something simply because they themselves will be calmer. For example, the mother does not want the child to stain or tear good clothes, and forbid her from playing football with her classmates in the playground. Or, for example, fearing that the child will break an expensive toy does not allow the baby to let other children play in kindergarten. Such prohibitions may lead to the fact that the child will obey you and will not trust you completely, or demonstrate aggressiveness and defend your interests.

4. The punishment should only be for the deliberate violation of the prohibition by the child, which he fully understands.

If the baby reaches the basin with his hands, but his mother never told him it was dangerous, he should not punish him; it is better to keep it quietly away from the dangerous place and explain why that act is loaded and why this should not be done.

If the child is the instigator of fights in kindergarten, the main measure should not be punishment, but an explanation as to why his action is considered bad, what exactly he did wrong. The punishment should continue only when the baby, despite the explanation of the parents and the established prohibition, does it again in his own way.

5. When establishing prohibitions, discuss them with all family members.

If, for example, a mother does not allow her to eat ice cream on the street, but a grandmother, on the other hand, buys happy soda for her baby to go for a walk, explaining that "we will not tell our mother about this," the child will not form a stereotype of correct behavior. The same happens if the parents do not allow the child to watch television before going to bed or eat sweets before dinner, and the father does not consider this to be a prohibition and, in the absence of the mother, does not reject the child.

6. Pay attention to the child's good behavior.

The boy helped in the house, drew a beautiful drawing in kindergarten, made a greeting card for his grandmother's birthday, learned to say "thank you" and "please", shared new toys; Without a doubt, all this deserves your attention. Pay attention, tell him you love him, just hug. If parents scold the child for each violation of the ban, but do not pay attention to their efforts and achievements, they will constantly feel guilty, unloved and bad, which will lead to real problems of self-esteem.

Remember that setting limits should promote harmony in the relationship between parents and children. You must ensure your safety, form the principles of appropriate behavior and social skills, and not turn your life into a series of continuous prohibitions and fear of independence.