"I'm so sick and tired"- A poem about my low bipolar depressive side.
The poem is coming shortly but first some information on the disorder and insight into my situation. Bipolar disorder affects more than 3 million people (mostly women). And in women can also be easily misdiagnosed as PMDD. I've known about this disorder since I was diagnosed with it over 12 years ago. My middle sister has also been diagnosed with it and I believe that my oldest sister has it as well.
(Me with my sisters and our dad)
There are many ideas on why... Our childhood was not full of love and happiness. I've also had doctors tell me it's from the Epilepsy that I suffer from. There's truth in both, but I'm not completely sure what started it since my epilepsy started at a young age as well. So it's hard to distinguish between them. Considering my sister's both have it but not epilepsy, I'm assuming it was just the way we were raised.
For more information on the sign of BPD, you can check out this article: http://m.activebeat.co/your-health/13-symptoms-of-bipolar-disorder-are-you-bipolar/?utm_medium=cpc&utm_source=google&utm_campaign=AB_GGL_US_MOBI-SearchMarketing&utm_content=g_m_181737932112&cus_widget=&utm_term=bipolar%20depression&cus_teaser=
So back to the poem... I'm in a manic depressive phase at this time and having a truly hard time with it. Things are constantly going wrong, fights are erupting everywhere, and it just seems like life is against me. While lying in bed for the second day in a row crying uncontrollably, my manic thoughts were screaming words at me. And that is where this poem was birthed. I hope you enjoy and find help from this post.
I'm so sick of not having the strength
And tired of putting on a happy face
I'm so sick of always being wrong
And I'm tired of feeling like I don't belong
I'm sick of nobody caring
And I'm tired of even trying
I'm so sick from this infection
And tired of my situation
I'm sick of pushing through the pain
And I'm tired of it coming back again
I'm so sick of people being fake
And I'm tired of the excuses people make
I'm sick of doing this on my own
And I'm tired knowing that I'm always alone
I'm sick of waiting to be rescued
And I'm tired of knowing no one will come through
I'm so sick of being the bad guy
And I'm tired of no one knowing why
I'm sick of waiting for the day
And I'm tired because I can't find a way
I'm so sick of being a failure
And I'm tired of never being sure
I'm sick of this self loathing
And tired of always hoping
I'm so sick of being sad
And tired from giving all I have
I'm so sick and tired
I feel my end is about to transpire
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Awesome poem. so raw and full of emotion. it resonated with me, particularly now. I don't know what it is. The upcoming eclipse? Shifts in our energies? Or just a bubbling deep down in many of us..I dont know. A lot of people I've been talking to talk within the past few days describe feelings you just shared.
thank you for sharing, and in that way reclaiming your power over this turbulence
First of all, thank you. Second, I've been noticing that as well (about the feelings) and I do feel like it's just heavy everywhere... And those are good guesses on why it's that way. I never thought of that...
This is so raw and brilliant. Good grief. Are you okay if I share a link to this in my curation blog today? I ask because it is so raw and just want to make sure you're cool. I'll totally respect either way, but I think more people need to see this. For all the reasons. So good. Wow wow wow. I love you, girl. I know these feelings.
Thank you. I'm sure it'll be a song soon... Maybe... Lots of love and thanks for the feature! 💚
Brilliant! 😘
😊
Thank you for sharing this - I can't even imagine how difficult it must be but you have been so strong. more power to you! did you check out @voiceshares, maybe it might be helpful.
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Thank you! I try my hardest to be strong in the darkest of times. And I'll check that out!
congratulations, your post was featured in ocd daily #44. I'll be featuring it in my Weekly OCD Wrapup too... Keep up the good work and best wishes :)
Thank you so much!
Thank you for sharing and being honest. I wish you all the strength on your journey and hope that you will feel better soon. Do post more about your feelings whenever you have the strength to, both the good and the bad. I am sure people can relate and find help in your words!
Thank you! The extra strength is appreciated.