A very Merry Christmas and happy holidays to the Steemian world!

Just a little shout out to everyone to wish you good vibes and a few thoughts on how holidays have forever changed for me. It was one of the best and worst weeks, if that's even possible! It was stressful like most every other holiday because of being busy and keeping presents a secret, ect. But I also had a great time with some amazing friends, my beautiful family was with me, and it was really a damn good Christmas.

I usually make ornaments with the family every year, but it just didn't happen this year. So instead, we just picked our own from the store!

Although we didn't do that tradition, we still had a happy and joyful time. It warms my heart seeing those boys of mine smile. It also made me so proud that my teenager asked for an Alice In Chains hoodie for Christmas!!! (Since that is my favorite band!) Needless to say everyone was happy! I was truly surprised by a new Chromebook and a tattoo certificate! My laptop has been crapping out for a while now and I've never Steemed from anything other than my phone so we'll see how this goes... All in all, I'm one happy momma! Plus we got to surprise an awesome lady (@melodyrussell) for her birthday!

But unfortunately I also had a huge breakdown because of it all... My father passed just a few short months ago, and I knew that the holidays were going to be hard but I had no idea it would be like this. I knew that it was going to take a while to live with it, but I thought I was doing well. Thanksgiving passed and I was fine with the painful thoughts of him not being here. But for some reason, Christmas has by far been the hardest. And I can't say that I didn't know why it happened or that I didn't expect it to happen, but I knew... It just seems to hit you the hardest when family is all around and you scan the room looking for that face, but don't get to see it. I was so overwhelmed. And then I felt horribly guilty, considering that my husbands family was over in the middle of it all. Not only that, but I have so much to be happy about. I didn't want to drag anyone else down with me, and I just wanted a stress free time with family.

I realized this year that the one thing that can make your heart soar, can also cause you the worst pain ever... And all at the same time. It's a very confusing, almost unbearable moment that seems to last for ever. This year has been full of so many ups and downs it's ridiculous, but I hope for the life lessons and growth from it all to help me become a better person. I mean... after all, that's life right? So I'm definitely hoping for a less stressful and more mellow new year! And I wish you all out there happy times and a great new year as well! May your pain turn into love and understanding.