Some Alcohol Jokes

Question: What is a drunk man's idea of having a balanced diet?
Answer: A Budweiser in each hand!

Q: So... What did the man with a slab of asphalt under his arm order at the bar?
A: A beer please, and one for the road.

The Bet At The Bar

A man sat down at a bar and told the bartender, "I bet you three hundred dollars that I can piss into the cup all the way over there on the other side of the bar, and yet I will not miss a single drop."
The bartender said, "There is no way you can do that, but... Sure, I'll bet you three hundred dollars."
The man then begins to undo his pants and begins pissing. He starts pissing all over the bar, spraying on the bottles, nearby chairs, and the bartender, not making a single drop in the cup.
The bartender starts laughing and says, "That's it, you owe me three hundred dollars."
The man who pissed all over the place then gets up and walks over to the pool table and starts laughing and shaking hands with the men standing there.
Then, he walks back to the bar, sits down and starts laughing at the bartender and hands him the money.
The bartender asks, "Why are you laughing? You just lost the bet."
The man said, "I'm laughing because I bet with those guys over there one thousand dollars that I could piss all over you and your bar and you would still be laughing when I was done."