Bonds of social conformity and how to break them

I am not sure if there is a term called 'conformity syndrome' but I am using it anyway. Most of us may be plagued with conformity syndrome. Most times we believe that we know what we are doing or we think we are making the choices and no one has control over our decisions. Well, I felt the same way about myself until I heard about the behavior psychology called social conformity.

What is it?

Social conformity is a phenomena in which people match the behaviors of their peers to confirm their place within the group and avoid any conflicts that may result if they had not confirmed. It is so pervasive that we never realize that we are being driven by the need to confirm with the perceived standards of our peers and the society.

Experiments:

You will see the experiment that takes place in the elevator and shows a paradigm about human behavior in this 'power of conformity' video:

There are a lot of experiments on the subject of social conformity that you can easily search.

Are we affected?

It is an addiction our whole race goes through generation after generation. The cars we drive, houses we live in, food we eat, the way we eat, places where we shop, communities we stay in, groups we interact with, social events we attend, education, marriage, family and on and on, everything we do, we do it to match the generally accepted behaviors in our societies.

We succumb to the social pressure, most times, without ever realizing it. This knowledge gives us a new insight into our own behavior.

We cannot fix anything until we know what is wrong in the first place.

It made me think about my own behavior, my dressing style, way I drink, drive and so on.

It turns out that I am a social conformist like 97% of the population. I do many things that I do not have a logical reasoning for doing. This new insight into the psychology made me look at the world from a different perspective.

I sold my car and did not buy a car and now I walk to home from train station and use Uber when weather is not congenial for a walk. People ask me, you live in Atlanta without a car? (public transportation is not great here yet). I do. And I am going to continue this experiment as long as it works.

Social conformity everywhere:

Yesterday night couple of my friends and I sat together for a drink, since I did not want to be a social outcast (peer pressure!) I agreed to join them on one condition that I will drink wine and they can drink any liquor of their choice.

My friend said 'why do you want to drink wine while we spoil our livers with hard liquor?'

I said 'if you feel that way, why don't you drink wine with me?'

He said 'well, I can, but since everyone else is drinking whiskey I would rather join them'.

Everyone in the room smiled and felt proud that he cares for them, what they did not realize is that they were all confirming each other’s behavior, even if it meant compromising their health.

Why do we confirm?

It is amazing to see how many times we do things we know are not good for our financial, physical and/or mental health but we do it anyway because everyone else is doing it.

Social drinking, smoking, drugs, shopping, spending money and even our eating habits (junk food/take aways) in spite of being aware of the fact that they are not good. We still continue doing them just because it is the NORM, even if consequences are bad.

Being accepted by family, friends, society is of prime importance even if it means killing the voice inside of us.

This knowledge of social conformity is as intriguing as it is scary.

When we are aware of the fact that our decisions are being driven by our dire need to confirm, it gives us an opportunity to evaluate our decisions with more clarity.

Asking ourselves "what would my decision be if I did not feel the compulsion to conform?" can go a long way in making smart decisions that are in congruence with our inner voice.

I googled about this to find out that in some cases our reality may actually be determined by the group psychology, that is if the group believes something and acts from that standpoint, we tend to follow them with the same attitude even though we inherently know it not to be true.

We will no longer question our behavior which we knew was based on a false premise to start with. Take for example, drinking, it is now considered 'social & civilized' to drink which was only less than 2 decades ago was considered only social outcasts did - wonder what persuasive advertising can do!

Maybe you never wanted to buy that house in the first place because of the flexibility renting offers but you bought it anyway to maintain your social status (peer pressure).

Or perhaps, you always wanted to drive the military hummer but since you believed it will not fit the ambiance of your office meetings you settled for a classic Benz because that seemed like a norm for the business class.

May be, you never wanted to attend the church/mosque/temple but since everyone is going you just followed to stay within the group.

We can come up with an alarmingly massive list of things that our behavior is affected by the peer pressure, it makes me wonder if there is anything that we do that is NOT affected by this phenomena.

Do you really want success?

In many instances, people are afraid of success because it means alienation with their current group.

If you do not have stories about debt, car that breaks down, spouse who makes your life a living hell, kids who don't listen, bills that always seem to increase and so on, how will you fit in with your group?

If you desire financial independence and declare that your target is to quit the job in an year and find things that you would rather enjoy doing, you are considered an immediate social outcast, why? because that just ain't expected or accepted.

Our dreams are not a HERD THING.

Our dreams may be totally different once we start thinking from a non-conformists standpoint. We may find many new things about ourselves, things that may leave us befuddled or make us smile.

Many people after achieving things that thought they wanted are left even more miserable than they were when they did not have them, because they were running after wrong things, things that they never actually wanted.

Is there a way out?

To me greatest tragedy in life after being introduced to the herd mentality is wasting my life in running after things that my heart never truly desired.

It is a transition we have to deal with if we ever want to come out of the enslavement of social conformity.

First step in breaking this chain is to recognize that our feet are already tied to it and farthest distance we can go depends on the length of this chain unless we are willing to break the chain and, gather the courage to explore the world from our own truth.

Is it easy?

This transition is NOT easy, it is probably the most difficult endeavor we can ever take up but I am hopeful that it will help us realize our true self.

It can help us find things that we truly love (not what we think we should love while thinking from a conformist mindset). It may actually open the doors to our deepest desires and aspirations and help us find what we truly want.

Picture source: Pixabay.com