Happy Experiences Can Help You Grow

A friend of mine said the most peculiar thing recently. She said that never in her life has she had personal growth and development that had not been triggered by some negative event or experience. Other than being worried for her, I also felt it was such a pity that a lack of psychoeducation in our communities can effect such a large aspect of an individuals perspective to life. To feel and understand the lows of your life, you also have to know and experience the highs, the happy moments. Our life is a chaotic tapestry of all such moments and the combination of these experiences push us to improve and have personal growth.

How would you define personal development in psychological terms? Many topics and activities can fall under personal development but they can be categorised into 5 major domains - mental, social, spiritual, emotional and physical. Personal development can mean different things to people at different points of their life. It can be a self-improvement of your skills, life goals, personal qualities, knowledge or outlook. For a child, personal growth can be learning how to play basketball or learning to use a spoon while eating. These skills could have been taught by the gentle guiding hand and support of a parental figure, or they may have been due to the scolding of a teacher or a bully making fun of them that pushed them to be better at it. By achieving at a task, the reward-giving 'happy' hormones like endorphins and dopamine recognise the hard work we put in.

In life, there are many basic and complex aspects we are picking up constantly to become a better version of ourself or deal with our surroundings more effectively. It is true, however, that our current experiences may motivate us to focus on certain areas for personal development. That is why the friendly competition in a school is a good learning environment, as they get a small nudge everyday to strive to get a better grade than someone else, beat a score in swimming practice or get chosen for a part in a play. It is also why as a student existing in the school and college environment, there is a push to gain more knowledge and focus on academic and career goals.

While considering personal growth, we always regard happiness and subjective wellbeing as the goals we are trying to achieve, which is why the concept of personal growth is intrinsically connected to positive psychology. For example, a network of positive relationships from family and friends can fulfil the social aspect of personal growth and give you the emotional support while you study hard or spend a long day at work. By holding onto the gratitude and happiness of moments with your loved ones, you find the motivation to go ahead and achieve more. Having hope and optimistic thoughts for the future can keep you pushing forward and not be bogged down by helpless and discouraging thoughts.

This is not to deny that there are some hard lessons a person can only learn by hitting the ground and then having to get back up. As I said before, to know true happiness, you have to also feel true sadness. Death, disappointment and defeat are inevitable aspects of life that we will have to go through. A part of personal development is dealing with such experiences in a healthy and fulfilling way; learn the lessons you can take from such experiences and find a way to let them make every happy experience afterwards that much sweeter and satisfying.