Ahoy mateys! Rev be me name and swashbucklin’ be me game. I’m writin’ at ye today from me captain’s quarters on me amazin’ pirate ship The Maiden’s Desire. Earlier this week, I left a comment on a poem written by @battleaxe (https://steemit.com/steemit/@battleaxe/the-dip) that I’ve had some difficulties with … ehem … private matters … due to having a hook where me hand used to be.

Now I realize that some of ye may not know what I be talkin’ about. Well, let me break it down fer ya. Us pirates all have hooks fer hands. Some pirates had horrific accidents where they lost their hands, so now there be hooks. Others just wear them for high fashion. Regarrrdless of their reasons for the hooks, every pirate has at least one hook, and let me tell ya, they can make some daily activities quite difficult. Ergo, here be a list of things in which having hooks fer hands be a hindrance:

1. Writing arrrticles on Steemit. As one can imagine, it be quite easy to make typos when y’er hand be a hook. Marrrkdown is especially difficult. Fer reference, here’s the preceding sentence without autocorrect: iughawdipuhgawdp9 waded12 212e[09 12e9-8 y1q 2e12e12ep9 871 e2d12 e9p87012e mn12lki;j12io;12oi1q21423 /. Not great.
2. Shaking hands. This is only really a problem when it’s y’er right hook. It’s great when meeting other pirates, like at a pirate conference, because then ye can shake hooks. A jolly time is had by all.
   
3. Makin’ breakfast. This be a two hand job. Never try hookin’ an egg, matey. And don’t even get me started on grapefruit!
4. Wiping y’er tush. Ouch! ‘Nuff said there, I’ll spare ye the detail.
5. Golf. This be a pirate’s favorite sport, but how can we be expected to hold a club properly, let alone swing it? Maybe it be time to find a new passtime.
   
6. High fives. Y’er gettin’ a hook through y’er hand. On top of the hook thing, having only one eye means me depth perception ain’t the best. Many a poor soul have lost their eyes due to high fives gone awry. That said, hooks through hands mean it’s time to replace that hand with a hook. Hooks through eyes mean it be time fer a patch. High fives make pirates pirates.
7. Ballroom dancing. I’ve ruined a few of me lass’s finest dresses due to careless hook placement.
   
8. A sweaty brow. Hooks arrren’t useful fer wiping off sweat. Dis be why us pirates wear such cool lookin’ hats.
9. Smartphones. Hooks don’t register on touchscreens. Checkin’ me Twitter be a nightmare I tell ya! An absolute nightmare.
10. Clapping. I put this as a different point than high fives, because it be especially dishearrrtening when us pirates can’t give standing ovations to our favorite Broadway shows. I’d wipe the tear from me eye but, ye know, I don’t want to lose me other eye.
    

So there ye go, that be just a few of the things that be made more difficult due to having hooks fer hands. Now I’m not saying it’s necessarily a bad thing; in fact, having hooks fer hands can be quite ...handy… in certain situations. I’ll leave elaboration on that fer another day.

Until next time, take care of y’erselves, ye scurvy dogs!

PS: In these most trying of times, when our beloved Steem has takin’ a bit of a tumble, it be imperative that we all hold fast and not lose hope in this platform. If ye take a look at the past, this isn’t the first time Steem has dropped in value, but it always rose back up. It’s in times like this that the real Steem pirates stay and the imposters jump ship. Stay strong and confident, mateys.

PSS: This be an entry fer the comedyopenmic contest round 26. I was nominated by @yourballs and I nominate @swolesome and @underground in kind. Details fer this contest can be found at https://steemit.com/comedyopenmic/@comedyopenmic/the-comedy-open-mic-comedy-contest-round-26

Sources: https://media.giphy.com/media/9Y5j2W203FqpQYhjJY/, https://media.giphy.com/media/ZdwMK4xJfX0lO/, https://media.giphy.com/media/2Wg0g1IG76GwruXigS/, https://media.giphy.com/media/7UzkjY6vw7rSo/, https://media.giphy.com/media/p3YzDJxvY6AnxWpfWl/