Dear Delivery Man

I heard you walking up the steps.

I assumed you must be one of our neighbors. I thought it was a little late in the morning, but perhaps they had forgotten something for work or classes.

Bubba began fussing and stirring from his nap as you reach the balcony at the top of the staircase.

I scooped him up and began latching him.

He fussed a bit and gnawed at first, but then drifted back asleep.

As I rocked Bubba back and forth, I wondered why the footsteps I heard weren’t more frantic. If someone left something behind, they’d probably be in a bit more of a hurry.

I shrugged and looked down at Bubba, stroking his wispy bed-head style hair.

Knock Knock Knock

I nearly dropped Bubba in my startled state.

I knew it must be someone else’s door. Often times we all open our doors when someone knocks, because it’s nearly impossible to tell who has the visitor from the sound.

By now, Bubba had opened his eyes again and was sleepily smiling up at me.

I began breastfeeding him again and we settled in.

A split second passed before you began knocking again.

With a sigh, I surveyed my options.

Here I am, topless, feeding a barracuda baby with an unbreakable latch on my nipple and you want me to open the door.

Sure, okay.

I grabbed the nearest blanket and wrapped it around me, covering as much skin as possible while Bubba continued to nurse.

I opened the door a crack to tell you everyone was at work or school except us so no one was going to answer, but then I saw that you were, in fact, knocking on our door.

There was no turning back now. I opened the door with my child dangling off of one boob as I precariously held him and the blanket in place.

“Hi.” I said.

“Hello.” You replied with a smile.

I could tell you were trying to contain your laughter as you moved to hand me the box you’d brought.

Unfortunately, Bubba had other plans.

Upon hearing your voice, he decided he must check the situation out.

This would have been fine, had he stayed latched.

But not only did he not stay latched, but his vigorous, excited wiggling managed to knock the blanket out of place as well.

So there I stood, topless and fumbling to get the blanket back into the designated spot.

Normally this would’ve taken just a second to remedy, but Bubba was overjoyed to meet a new person.

He was so overjoyed that he decided to show you his favorite trick that I, jokingly, taught him.

As I managed to cover up one boob with the blanket, I moved Bubba to my hip to cover up the other one.

Instead of staying on top of it to cover it up, Bubba happily wiggled around while he used both hands to grab my boob and express milk…At you.

He giggled like a freaking maniac as I quickly apologized and shut the door.

Dear Delivery Man, I’m sorry you saw my boobs today.

Oh, and that milk currently scattered across your clothing does wash out, I promise.