How could I be so stupid?

To think that I’d be lucky enough to get a second chance at the only life I truly want, one with you.
I’ve never been lucky in my life I’ve always had to grind for what I wanted, I’ve always had to hustle to get what makes me happy.
Getting you was just too good to be true, it was just something for me to fuck up, something to prove that I can never have anything good in my life without completely fucking ruining it.
The only good thing about me, is you and him, and that’s why we’ll never be, because there is no good about me, there’s nothing nice about me, there’s nothing loving and compassionate about me, but you are & were all those things, and for just under 2 years you made me all those things I could’ve never been without you, then god realized what he had done and he made it burn to the fucking ground, by my hand, by my sword.
@LoveMakesYouStupid & Our Relationship Really Did A Number On My IQ Score For A Long While.
I loved you with my entirety, my body, my soul, my mind & most of all my heart, which no one before you ever got entirely, but you sure did, because you were meant to be the end of me, god felt that I needed to feel real, unbearable, and true love before I gave up my search of happiness, and you will be the end of that search, any chance of me being happy or complete has died with my faith in our being one again.
If one day you happen to read this I truly did change the monster I became over the course of our relationship, I truly changed everything about me in order to try and be what you needed in a partner, in a husband, in a person you could spend your life with. But at the end of the day, just like everyone else it’s not good enough, too little too late I guess.
You’re my one true love, you have been since the moment you were born you were the one I was destined to fall in love with, you were the one destined to destroy me deeper then any one else before you.
I thought I was hurt in the past but that was just a warm up. I’ve never felt the way I do now that I’ve lost you, and no one will ever get the opportunity to hurt me this way again because my heart will always remain with you, no matter how hard I try and hold onto it it’ll never belong to me again, it’ll always be yours.
I love you mrs. And I always will.