About blurred boundaries and self-esteem

How to love yourself so much that no illusions are required and someone else's opinion does not affect self-esteem.

To begin with, we need to draw boundaries and learn how to direct energy inside ourselves without pouring it out now and then.

Without the instant approval of those around you, interest in the lesson fades away. Learning is boring, fun only to get good grades. Doing fitness is boring, it's fun just getting the likes of the pictures. To work is boring, fun only to receive the praises of superiors and bonuses.

Your self-esteem is entirely based on the evaluation of others. Especially significant others.

Because of this, we have to raise crowns. When there is no approval, he has to invent himself. The crown grows especially fast, when, instead of approving, the negative. Then you need a whole structure on your head to turn a negative evaluation into a positive opinion of yourself. "They condemn, because they envy," "ignore, because they can not compete," "he's poor, I'll help him," "he's a fool, I'll explain to him," and so on.

But the crown also eagerly and neutrally assesses eagerly, exaggerating many times, making an elephant out of a fly, a casket from a trifle.

If there were no crown, they would close in response to a negative attitude, and you would learn to exist in a more autonomous mode, get off the needles of approval.

And the crown makes this cycle continuous, you get a negative, but do not close the boundaries, but keep pouring out, sticking and waiting for love. You do not like, but it seems to you that this is such a love, you are condemned, and it seems to you that you are so loved. The crown makes your borders more and more hollow, and the center of your personality is even more empty.