The Many Lives And Deaths Of Dovey-Doo – Chapter Five Comedy Open Mic Round 24
We're free!
After a sweep of the perimeter and all appropriate spots marked, Blue and Dover took off running into the woods. It was mostly uphill, except for a short flat spot. The boys stopped for a breather and to roll in a bit of fox shit that Dover found.
"Nice find, Dovey. This is the first fox shit I have ever seen when Dad wasn't watching me."
"I didn't know it was fox shit. What's a fox?"
"I've only met one when I lived in Ontario. She was eating a bunny and I tried to get some. It didn't work out very well for me. She bit my face."
"Hahaha, she bit you? On the face! Hahaha, why didn't you just hump her into submission?"
Blue had enough and started up the hill again. Dover had a quick squirt and trundled after him. That's when he saw her.
She was watching Blue walk away and hadn't noticed him.
She smelled good. Like the chicken coop, and maybe honey.
Dover ran over to her and she jumped back and yipped at him. He tried to get closer but she kept dodging and nipping. She was so fast. He had never seen anything like her. Her tail was so fluffy and beautiful. He charged at her to get a better smell but she lunged at him and almost bit his face.
He got a little scared and she saw it.
When he backed up she kept coming at him. He was hoping that she wasn't going to start humping him into submissionhumiliation. That would be too embarrassing and Blue would never let him forget it.
Dover decided right then and there that he was going to fight back. He wished his teeth weren't tiny nubs, but he had the low center of gravity on his side, and he was really hungry. He didn't want to kill and eat a beautiful fox, but he would if forced.
He stopped retreating and let out his trademarked, low growl as he turned sideways and dropped his shoulder as she lunged at him. She was too far into it to stop and rolled right over him. As she was scrambling to get back to her feet, Dover knocked her over again and grabbed her throat with his far too soft mouth.
Luckily he had a lot of power behind those tiny, ground down teeth and he quickly choked the wind out of her. He let go when he realized that she had given up. She slowly lifted her head and looked sheepishly at him. He smelled her fur deeply and licked her. Then he sat down.
He looked around to see where Blue was. He wanted that smug prick to see that he had beat up a wild fox.
Nowhere to be seen.
That figures. If he had seen that display of strength maybe he wouldn't be so quick to always pin me down and hump me, Dover thought. Maybe the people wouldn't always talk about me like I was the fat kid that can't defend himself. I am sick of being called "Chubs" and "Puffalump". They never look at my creative side. I'm just sick of it.
He looked back at the fox and she was sitting now; looking at him. He was still breathing heavily, so he had his big smile on. The one he saves for a hard run to the end of the yard when he has to poop.
She moved slowly toward Dover and smelled his bunghole. He seemed okay. He didn't have nuts for some reason, but she was alright with that. She could use a friend since her old man had got himself hit by the truck. She let him get a good whiff of her and then she started trotting away. She turned to see if he was coming, but he was just standing there with a dumb looking smile on his face.
She motioned her head for him to follow and he did. She had a small cache with half a beaver carcass in it. She figured she would share it with him before the maggots took over.
What could it hurt?
Dover got to the beaver and was in his version of heaven. Free meat and he didn't have to shake paws or lay down for it. He just dug right in. He wished his food at home had maggots. They were delicious, but you had to chew them or you could feel them wriggling all the way down.
When they finished, Dover had a drink of water from the lake and then laid down for a nap. He was really going to like this new life. Free meat, lots of clean water and a really good smelling fox to hang out with. It was perfect for a lazy dog with no sense of smell.
He dreamed of all the nice days on the beach with his new friend.
When he awoke, it was raining. He looked up to the edge of the woods and saw his new friend there, intently staring into the grass. He walked up and saw that there were three mice laying by a log. He happily gobbled them up.
Life was fantastic.
He should have gone outside more often.
She looked up from her hunting and watched in horror as he ate the three mice that she had caught for her kits. She was soaking wet and she was tired.
Fuck this guy. I just spent two hours getting those for my babies, while his fat ass laid in the sand. They need to start eating solid food and he devoured them in less than thirty seconds. I am running this lazy bastard off right now.
She let out a scream as she sprinted towards him. The look of shock as he noticed her was priceless. He started stumbling and those short, little legs started moving a mile a minute. He was heading straight into the forest and she had to stop because she was laughing so hard. Maybe if he put that much energy into the rest of life, he would get a lot further.
Oh well, good riddance.
What the hell just happened? Did she go crazy or something? What was that scream? Screw this, I'm going back to the campsite.
Dover looked around and realized he had no idea where he was. If he had run down the beach, he would be able to find it, probably, but he ran into the woods.
Looks like I'll have to just keep walking until I find a road. It shouldn't take too long. I'll just stop for a nap.
Eight days later, Dover walked out to a huge concrete place with cars and trucks pulling up to a building. He walked over and people started petting him.
One nice lady let him into her office.
Posted from my blog with SteemPress : http://changethetopic.com/the-many-lives-and-deaths-of-dovey-doo-chapter-five/
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He didnt have nuts for some reason... but that Butt sure smelled nice! hahaha
Never thought I'd be so entertained by a story that had "smelled his bunghole" "half a beaver carcass" and "wished his food at home had maggots," but it was a really good read.
Well, thank you. It always surprises me that these are not part of everybody's daily vernacular.
and all this time, you were worried about him. But hey, at least you had coffee :)
Peace.
Yeah, we should have known that nobody else was going to look after his lazy ass.
As for coffee, we sure did enjoy it out there. We also found our camping kettle yesterday, so we'll be better prepared next time.
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I do like this one! The cat's perspective at the end was really very clever too :) Thanks for sharing!