When mum died
"Affliction comes to us not to make us sad but sober, not to make us sorry but wise"
- Henry Ward Beecher (1813-87).
" The bitterest tears shed over graves are for words left unsaid and for deeds left undone"
- Harriet Beecher Stowe
Death, the evil phenomenon that lets out wailing, groaning and screams at it's mentioning, brings grief, pain, sadness and discomfort. It sneaked in like a thief in the night and took away my mother on the 27th of July, 2008. I struggled to come to terms with her loss, it wasnt enough to shed tears alone so I decided I was going to keep writing my thoughts down.
When I was a teenager, I used to feel unlucky. I wanted a lot if things i couldn't have then, I looked at the lives of some of my mates and everything about them seemed perfect. Mum used to tell me not to bother, that at times things were like that. I never knew she was preparing me for when I would be without her. I never knew she would die when she did, I was caught unawares.
Have you ever been angry,sad, annoyed, full of pity, felt guilty and withdrawn at the same time? Then you'd probably understand how I felt when mum died. The pain is felt everyday, even though it has been years since she left it dawned on me that there are so many responsibilities and struggles associated with adulthood. Responsibilities that on a normal day mum would have handled.
Until her death I never really understood depression, depression tells you to quit, depression tells you there is nothing good for you in life. People keep pitying you, it makes you afraid of what the future holds. It seeks to destroy self esteem so I did my best then to make sure depression didn't take the best part of me.
Up until the day mum was buried, I never wanted to accept the fact that she was gone, if you have lost a loved one you will understand that feeling. Strange and familiar faces kept on trooping in and out of our house the day she died. Earlier that day, I had dressed up set for the hospital because she had been hospitalised. But dad came back earlier than expected from the hospital that morning with a look of resignation. The minute he gesticulated with his hands I knew it was over.
Mum taught me a lot of things, she was very passionate about young people. She taught me things i couldnt have learned anywhere else , she was a source of inspiration and blessings to me and mt siblings. As I write memories keep flashing, the times we played together, laughed together, her jokes, annoying moments, when she was at the hospital and couldnt speak anymore, my tears dropping on her hand which I held firmly, her face in the coffin. I don't think I can ever forget those memories, it all seemed like a bad dream that would end then but it didnt.
A part of me is actually gone with her. Some lose their parents when they are teenagers and some as kids when they barely even know them, yet some people have their parents even when they are 60. I have often wondered why life isn't fair and why there isn't justice in the world.
Anyway, there is no point feeling bad and sad all over again, I know that we will meet to part no more some day. I believe in life after death, paradise and
I also believe God allows things to happen for certain reasons
I can feel your pain and anguish. I was 17 when I lost my mother. That was 47 years ago. I still feel the whole she left in my life. And we will meet up later in God's house, never to be parted again. Until then we must carry on.
Yes we must carry on.... Thank you @cecicastor i was 16
It is a horrible age to lose your mother. Not that any age would be better...I send you hugs.
Thank u 😘
Don't fret dear. I'm sure Mom is proud of the lady you've become today.
Trust me, you've got this!
You're ready. 😃
Shine.
😘 thanks