"WHY DOESN'T HE GET BACK TO ME?"

In the past I would attempt anything to avoid feeling abandoned and the inner dialogue that goes along with it, 'I'm not special, I'm not worth it, I'm forgettable, no man will ever choose me, I'm unloveable'. (Gross, mean, not truth) Yet when a woman leans in it just compels a man to pull away even more because that's the dynamic being created. It's really self sabotage at its finest.

When a man pulls away, a woman feels compelled to lean in because she is scared. It's actually a terrifying experience and it triggers our deep abandonment wounding. When my abandonment wounds are triggered it's the worst feeling in the world.

This really is the most opportune time to use the trigger space to do your deep healing work around your abandonment wounding. When we lean in and latch on we're actually trying to get the man to do the healing work for us. We're saying 'I don't really believe I'm amazing, worth it, valuable, loveable, I want you to believe it for me'.

I think this is partly why men (unconsciously) pull away in this space. On some level they know it's not their job to heal that part of you or they have no freakin' clue how to heal that part of you. And we all know they can't.... True healing must come from within ourselves.

I feel your frustration and confusion when a man pulls away, ghosts, disappears or stops returning your calls. Here's how I would choose to frame it. He has your number. He's a grown man. If he misses you, wants to talk or connect with you he can reach out to you anytime. If he is nervous or confused or somethings going on for him then he can express that to you or he can withhold that which in turn will show you who he really is. If he's the man for you he will connect and if he's not wait for the man who will.

I know it's uber frustrating because as a woman, or at least for me, if I'm missing someone and I want to spend time with them I don't want to wait. I feel like I need to be honest and get what I want so my urge is to put myself out there. I feel like I'm somehow responsible to keep the connection going. But really if we consistently take charge in that area when he's pulled back it becomes a little weird or off for the man. Men don't want to be chased.

Meet him where he's meeting you. Don't step in and make it easier for him. Take your hands off and lean way back.

Look at his actions, not his words.

When women do too much and men start doing less and less they don't need to show up as much in order to have your attention. Holding your ground and setting boundaries is the way in which you honor, support, and love your amazing self, your beautiful energy, and you take your power back.

Connection is earned. You are the gift, and he should earn your presence in his life. Respect for boundaries goes both ways - he should respect your boundaries, but you must also respect his boundaries.