Robin Hood's Merry Little Joke, a Weekend Freewrite

image by @wales - Dean Moriarty

From a tower window in Nottingham Castle, two men stared down into the moonlit courtyard.

"Do you think they'll be coming tonight?" Edward asked Charles.

"Laird, I hope so. I have an itch in me crotch that must be relieved. Damn the wool from those newfangled sheep! It's even more itchy than the old kind! I need something to do to get me mind off'n it!".

Just then, the war trumpets sounded. It seemed the attack was coming from the north.

"Good." said Charles. "Let me just get this itch before we set off" and he plunged his right hand deep into his trousers and began a robust itch. Edward laughed.

"This is not the time to be engaging in self pleasure my friend! We are under attack by the rogues again! It'll be off with your head if you keep that up! Be on your guard now, there's no telling what these forest folk will try next."

At that very moment Edward saw (end of five minutes) a picnic basket impaled on a spear lofting high over the castle's ramparts.

There is usually a picnic with dancing and singing in the forest after every attack on a castle. Robin and Marian would be the first to dance, and before long each of the bandits would be on their feet going round and round the camp, celebrating their latest plunder of the rich. The bandits were the first to enjoy the riches they'd take from whichever castle they'd just robbed, and the merry making under the full moon this night was high.

"That was a stroke of genius those picnic baskets!" said Rolf to Larry. "They had no idea what to make of them!

Yes" said Larry "I was pleased with our little surprise. Did you see the look on that one fellow's face?"

Charles, with his hand still deep in his trousers, had watched the soaring picnic basket coming his way with terror. The last picnic basket he ever saw was his Aunt Mabel's, and that one had been full of pig trotters and stewed kale for them to eat - not his favorite meal. Reminded of his traumatic childhood, he could do nothing but cower as the dreaded picnic basket landed at his feet.

It was Edward who sprang into action and carefully opened the basket with the tip of his spear.
(end of five minutes)

Her ear hurt, but there was no time to bother with that now. The castle was under attack! Disobeying her father's orders to stay in her room with her ladies, the duchess went up to the ramparts to see for herself what was going on. When she arrived, she found the two guards squatting on the job, and one of them appeared to be eating! She approached carefully, lest this were some sort of trick. The smell of freshly roasted pigs' feet hit her nose. They'd all gone hungry the past few weeks since the bandits laid siege to the castle. This picnic basket was full of wonderful food. She forgot all about her aching ear and settled in to eat.

Little did any of them know, picnic baskets full of food had been lofted onto all of the ramparts and the hungry soldiers and castle residents were all up there eating as the bandits strolled easily into the castle, taking whatever riches they wished.
(End of story 30 seconds left on the timer.)

This is my entry to @marianneswest's weekend freewrite challenge for today. Today's diabolical prompts are in bold. I set the timer for 4:30 for each prompt, stop writing when it goes off and finish up the section for those last 30 seconds. For the final section, the story was done at 4:30. Then of course I go back to tidy the whole thing up for as long as I like, but I don't change the story.

I just love freewriting.
Come join us!

Here is today's first prompt.

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