The Day you Grow up is the Day you become a Parent - TRUE of FALSE ?

It's an Old Idea

and one borne out of many experiences. I think it was even more pertinent in my parents generation who tended to be quite young when they had kids. In my generation, (almost) everyone seems to be a bit older when they become parents and there are pros and cons.

me with my daughter aged 1 (she saw a Lion for the first time and stared it down)

Young Parents

Youth is contagious and young parents have boundless energy, are young themselves and in touch with the world of youth. Young parents grow up with their kids and they are physically more akin to their bouncing ball offspring. Young parents may also lack experience or perhaps sometimes, physical or spiritual resources. What they may lack in these areas is made up for with the exuberance of their own youth. They may feel like they are missing out if their friends are busy having a great time, being single or in a couple with endless parties, nights out, exotic holidays, lie-ins, doing what they want, when they want, playing loud music, going clubbing, sitting in the park drinking or just going to the cinema on a regular basis. It's tricky being young and feeling like you're missing out. But young parents are still young when their teenagers are feeling stuck in between. It's nice to have a young mum when you're a teenager but embarrassing when your friends says he fancies her ?!

Older Parents

They've been around the block, seen a bit, been there, got the t-shirts for just about everything, have had the holidays, the lie-ins and they know a few things about the knocks and waves of life. They might have accumulated a bit more of a chilled head and a few quid in the bank. They might have managed to work out their work /life balance, already have a nice home with everything they need. They know how to make things work when things get tough cos' they've spent years perfecting how to cope with life's ups and downs. They won't generally resent their little ones from keeping them from endless leisure pursuits, but they will tire more easily, especially if they are not in great shape ( I was until quite recently) and they might not have quite the same spark of spontaneous ingenuity which they once had. They are also a bit more set in their ways, are more distant culturally and physically from their kids and may cherish them in a slightly different way. For an older parent the child can be such a blessing that it re-invigorates them. It forces lifestyle changes which may be beneficial and necessary. If they don't make these changes (and I've seen it with older parents I know) the results can be disastrous and heartbreaking for all involved.

My Dad was a bit older

In their generation my Dad was a bit older. He was 33 when I was born and I was aware as a small child that he was quite a bit older than some of my schoolfriends parents. He wasn't the oldest but I was very proud the day he won the Dad's race, at sports day. he could still sprint and was perfect with an egg and spoon at 40. He also quit smoking and we all changed to a healthier diet. This was the late 70's. My Dad was cooler than most people's Dad's in an embarrassing but still proud of him way. Not many other kids could say their Dad was an artist in my community and my friends thought he was much more interesting than some of their own parents. He asked questions. And we lived in a house full of books and paintings. which made us all seem a bit eccentric. I was a bit older when my first daughter was born and my wife was quite a bit younger. A bit like my parents but we are both older than they were when I was born.

My Dad before I was born, a confident young chap

My Mum was a bit younger

My mum was 21 when I was born. I remember her as beautiful, youthful, elegant and haughty. She was stylish. A dress designer, costume maker and also an artist. We lived a bohemian existence and she was fun. Physical and funny, quick both mentally and physically. Chatty and sociable my Mum was equally adored by all and she was close to her mum my Grandma who was a big part of our childhood. I think because she was young, they were closer than my Dad was to his parents. My mum wasn't as cool at discipline and she used to tell us off (my brother and I). We had a way of winding her up when were small that we couldn't do with my Dad. My Dad offered experience and ways my mum offered exuberance and an alternative way of seeing. They were both good dancers and they still are.

• My mum aged about 28 with three sons. I'm far left steering the ship, (the middle son)*

The night I came home from the hospital after my daughter was born did feel like an entirely new chapter. I readied the house, put a few baby things together and got into bed. I lay awake and closed my eyes. It seemed like the whole of space opened up in my mind and I suddenly realised the true implications of this wondrous day. I had been promoted and was given the honour and special privilege of helping growing a conscious mind. It felt like the Universe was smiling back from the depths of spacetime. I was very grateful and I promised to myself and all consciousness that I would do my best, and would take everything I had experienced, filtered and graded and make a difference in her life.. and before long we were joined by her sister. They are both excellent company and I am certainly not missing out on anything including the exotic holidays. Life is one long exotic holiday with two funny little aliens to share it with. My wife has proved that even the best Dads pale in comparison to a Mother's love and dedication to her children. As a friend of mine said, "having kids, it's next level," gesticulating a very high bar ! ..and it is. It brings you closer and tests your bond as a couple. I now fully understand the phrase making love. That's what we've done, we've made love and it is bliss, very tiring and messy bliss but bliss nonetheless X