I SEE what you do

Judgement. This is a difficult blog to write, as I constantly grapple with this issue. I approach people from a neutral space if I can't get a read on them instantly, but mostly I can. I've been accused of being judgmental, but being in a business where I have to constantly deal with people, I decided not to take that particular criticism to heart.

Life is not all unicorns, swirling butterflies and colourful rainbows. Look at our world. Peace, love and abundance are in pretty short supply. This has always been an issue for me. In my heart I yearn for a supportive, egalitarian world. Somewhere, perhaps in an alternative universe, this may be a reality. It is not a reality in our world.

It's a quiet Friday morning here in the shop, and an incident, the likes of which I observe all to often, made me realise why it is I am like I am. We own a secondhand shop, where we sell small household items, as well as furniture. We have moved into smaller premises, and the shops adjacent to us have given permission for us to place our furniture outside their stores. One of the stores is vacant. The caretaker asked us to move something so she could get into the shop. Obviously that would not be a problem. But then I heard the way she spoke to my staff member outside. Her tone of voice immediately alerted me to her extreme rudeness.

At work I spend most of the time sitting quietly behind my computer. I prefer leaving the majority of customers to be dealt with by the staff. I have noticed people don't seem to think I see what is going on around me. I like this (a lot). Watching people deal with who they consider to be inferior to themselves is one of the easiest ways to determine a person's true nature. Almost everybody wears a mask. I am only interested in those who have abandoned theirs, or are even in the process of letting that mask slip.

I am a white South African woman. It is in this category (which by no means I define myself) where much of my sifting occurs. Contrary to what people say about our "Rainbow Nation", racism is rife. I cringe to the very tips of my toes when a fellow white makes a disparaging comment about them (black people), automatically presuming my collusion with their racist nature due to my matching skin colour. It is easy to condemn casual acquaintances for this unconscionable behaviour, but it becomes more complicated when these types of remarks are made by family members, or even friends. I know the person making those remarks is not bad and I also know the person is really positive in certain aspects of their lives, and can even be regarded at times as being good. Fortunately, or unfortunately, I can't decide which, I can never go back to respecting the person, even though I may still like them. Slowly, they get sifted out of my life. Funnily enough, while writing this, I have realised I have never confronted them. Maybe I feel their beliefs are too entrenched? Maybe I should do this in future though?

Even online I remember words and actions. I don't have any kind of superhuman memory, in fact to the contrary, but there are some situations and remarks that stick in my mind. A reformed troll springs to mind, who I have witnessed begging the community who he so maligned, for assistance. People can change I suppose, but so much of what they say is aimed at benefiting themselves, and their opinions change to try impress whoever they think will help them to achieve their goals. It seems to me (maybe I am naive) more people on Steemit are genuinely interested in good. And there are a lot of people out there to try and take advantage of that. 

Another tricky area for me is my ability to judge somebody's energy. My daughter can see auras, but I often have an instantaneous gut reaction to many people. I have rarely found this instinct to be wrong. What concerns me is there are so many people who I experience a negative reaction to. I really don't want to be a negative person but I also can't disregard my gut instincts. Taking this a step further moves me into some really murky territory. For example, at our local auction there is a fairly regular attendee. I've never spoken to him, or really noticed him, apart from casual observation. During one auction, I saw him put his hand on the shoulder of a young boy who helps out at the auction, and I saw how this boy immediately squirmed. I was deluged by a wave of intense revulsion. "Pedophile" was the word that instantaneously sprung into my mind. This is an awful thing to believe of someone I don't know at all.   

I want to be all about peace and love, but it feels I know too much. The only way I can compensate for this is by lavishing love an attention on those I feel comfortable with And on animals. Animals or never hateful.

Thank you for reading!

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