A love like THIS

We approached the four-way stop, travelling in opposite directions. As we stopped and our eyes locked, the exchange of warmth was palpable. We smiled and I was suffused in a warm glow. A love story, definitely. But not the beginning of one, rather a chapter in a long book.

It was my husband of 22 years who I met at the four-way stop this morning. Our exchange was exactly as I outlined above and I began to reflect on our relationship. Why is it, that the person I sleep next to every night, wake up with every morning, year after year, still has the power to make me feel this way? And by the look in his eyes I know the feeling is mutual.

We met in 1989 at a local swimming pool. Our backgrounds were unbelievably different. I was in my final school year and headed for university. He was out of school, had achieved a low level of school education and was currently unemployed. As our relationship progressed and it became clear that it was not a fling, I felt the stirrings of others faint concern, even disapproval over our relationship.

I didn't care. I saw him. I saw the brilliant, eccentric, different, charismatic person that he was. He was the first person who made realise how flawed the schooling system is. It just did not suit a mind like his. In the early years I went to university and got my degree. He had to do some National Service in the army, and had a series of dead end jobs. He always had a constant flow of ideas, and was exciting to be with. I was supposed to complete another year at university so that I could obtain a Teacher's Diploma, but after three years we could not bear to be apart any longer. I returned to our home town, and moved in with him at his parents home. I waitressed to pay off my loan and we were happy.

To cut a long story short. He opened the business he always wanted to, I supported him and worked with him. We learnt and developed together over the years. We've been working together longer than we've been married. 

Why are we so happy? I think it is because we accept each other for who we are, with no ulterior motives or expectations. We genuinely want the best for each other and our love has no conditions attached to it.

My husband never felt threatened by the fact that I was in university and encouraged me to go. He has always held the opinion that if I had found someone else while I was there, he would have been happy for me. And I know that he loves me so much that this is true. I never felt ashamed of him, and his level of education. I loved his brilliant mind, and the way I felt when I was with him.

We have always given each other space to grow. Although we both work at our own business, we have different roles, and don't spend much time together at work. He has had many side projects over the years, with varying degrees of success, or lack of. Some I have disagreed with, but I have always given him space. I like technology and yoga. My husband doesn't. But I have the safe space to to explore my interests as obsessively as only I can. Obviously we have had our share of fights and disagreements. The first year of marriage was particularly difficult. We have spats and sulks. I think what keeps us so happy is our mutual respect and genuine concern for the well being of the other.

Love cannot be possessed, it can only be experienced. To love someone you don't need to be exactly like them, but you need to feel safe while expressing who you are.When you find a love like THIS, appreciate every moment. I do.

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(all images: pixabay)