I Need My Wings.

After the shubuh prayer, I woke my two children. Approaching and kissing her forehead is the best way a mother wakes her child.

"Sis, wake kak, son sholihah mama .." I whispered softly right in his ear.
"Mama today works yah?" He asked while rubbing his eyes.
"Mama has prayed? Why mama ninggalin ndria? ", Face pouted faced to my face still wearing mukena. Sign if he wants to congregate with me.
I put my hand on my palm. Then his eyes I stared sharply,
"Forgive mama yah kak, mama promise will not ninggalin you again well, now escorted mama ablution and prayer well". I hold both hands in order to stand upright.

After delivering my first daughter to take ablution water, I prepared a pink mukena for her. Kumaklumi if Indria to see his grim face in front of me. Because me and her father always invite Indria get up early and pray shubuh jama'ah in small mosque our house. Although Indria still often plays my mukena and prayer mat, but I am proud to see that she is excited to join us in congregation. As Indria began lifting her hands and reading the takbir, I breathed a sigh of relief. At least his father had left the baby sholihah for saving afterlife.

My first assignment started with taking care of Indria, then her brother. My jago this one named Raka. Giving birth Indria and her sister is one of God's blessings that I can not deny. They are God's precepts that I must keep as good and as happy as possible. After the birth of Indria, 3 years later I gave birth to Raka. So their age is not far adrift.

Raka is a genius boy, but very different from Indria. Independence far below Indria when still the same age with Raka today. Raka classified as a spoiled child, his father always always obey all his will. To the extent that my patience is often tested by the genius of Raka after his father is gone.

Indria and Raka are two children who have different intelligences, even though they are born from the same mother's belly. I always taught them that they are brothers and sisters, so they love and love each other. I spoke softly to Raka that Indria is her sister, and so to Indria that Raka is her brother.

After successfully waking my two hearts, I went to pick up a cell phone near tv while feeding her sister Raka. Yes, I have three hearts that are still toddlers, their age is only three years old parallel to all. Able to imagine how much sweat should drip for the care of my three small hearts, every now and then I have to walk back and forth take a broom for the sake of cleaning the house.

This morning I pushed my fingers pressed the buttons on my phone, I put it near the ear. The tone of the song is what I love almost memorized every time. Not usually my housekeeper came over at 07.00 WIB.

"Assalamualaikum, Mbak Surti ...", my phone is getting closer to my ear.
"Waalaikumussalam Bu Fira", he replied in a slightly limp and lackluster tone.
"Mbak, today come to my house ?, my pickup car was going to go loh mbak!" I asked as I fixed the baby carrier.
"My body shivered bu, after yesterday afternoon the body of rain. Until this morning can not get out of bed bu ", his voice more convincing that he can not help take care of the house and the three pieces of my heart today.
"Yes, Ms Surti today just rest at home. Restore the health of mbak well! "I said may be able to give positive energy into the body.

Put the phone and play my mind. Thinking about what reason to tell my boss. Realizing that I'm just a private employee who follows the rules of the Chinese superiors. Ensure a strong reason not to work today to take care of the three pieces of my heart. My brain twisted hard, trying to find a solution to be given the opportunity to stay in work. But heart and mind refuse, children are more important than everything.

I decided to settle down at home. I saw Raka's younger sister was fast asleep after the breast feeding. Started early in the morning by preparing the children's breakfast by themselves, putting the Indies books into her bag. Ironing Raka's uniform for school. Raka has now entered kindergarten A. I send her to Islamic Kindergarten near home, I think that Ms. Surti can carry her sister and guide Raka to school. Sad when seeing a child having to leave school with a housekeeper. But, I have no choice but to work hard for their smile.

In the past every morning my husband always helps to sweep the yard after the shubuh prayer, drying the clothes that I washed after the children fell asleep at night. However, now can only uphold to keep up with everyday tasks though alone. The longing was made-up when I saw our wedding pictures on display in the living room. Suddenly this tired reason to shed hundreds of tears on the cheeks. Then bring up a wish to live a life together again so that this tired balance on both sides.

Realizing that my wings had been broken on the left side. The husband is my left wing, the wings that can make me fly again. How could I fly one wing myself, it is impossible to understand. Trying to understand the empty space of the heart, empty without his presence.

Took a tissue and rubbed it into my eyes, a sign that my heart was tired to hide a taste. I want someone to fill this void. Filling the atmosphere of the house with the babble of the word papa in the ear. But I do not know why I should think what I should not think right now.

I ease the sadness of today by driving Raka to school. Because of his brother, Indria had gone to school with a close friend, who left my parents' relatives. Because Mbak Surti did not come in today, it's almost a hassle I take care of the kids to go to school. Kudekap bag, and I hold tight Raka's hand and swung footsteps together. Started a conversation while teaching social interaction on my little guy.

"Deck, look at the bird ...", as I pointed birds flying over the houses of the neighbors.
Raka's eyes immediately startled to where I pointed, saying to me "Good ma, that bulung why ya telbang ma?". Understandably Raka's tongue is still flipped back for the letter R.
"Hayoo guess what deck, why birds can fly?". Unwanted answer Raka in the heart.
"Why are you?" He repeated, frowning.
"Because the birds have deck wings, if you have no wings?" I asked, smiling for him.
"Do not have ma, if adek have wings adek would have been flying like a spiderman." Her shadow penetrates the fantasy world she saw on tv.
"Hehehe ... deck, after flying birds adek must know who created it, try mama asked who created the flying bird?"
"The word bu gulu ma, everything is God's creation", while his eyes did not move to enjoy the flying bird.
"Absolutely the deck, I rub his hair. Mama's child is very clever, if school every day would add smart deck ". Raka plays the hands of his little brother.
"Mama, if the wings are bulung there is hermetic ma?" While pointing and moving his fingers.
"One, two .. two yah ma". Two fingers held.
"Yes deck, there are two bird wings. Mama's kids getting smarter yah right now, mama deh whiz just ".
"Mama, if wings one can telbang not yah ma?", The question of children who have appropriate development of the power of reason.
"Can not deck, if the wings one will not be balanced. Later the bird must fall, long-time birds can die deck if wings live one ".
"Ohh iya tah ma, then adek want to ask bu bu gulu", it turns out he still have to convince my words to be approved bu bu teacher. Yes, that's the kids when it's dear bu teacher at school.

Our interaction of birds and wings must end at the front gate of Raka school. The gate is painted blue and there is a picture of the smiling sun that is able to distract my son. Raka sits right in the blue chair, her favorite color. I glanced over from the blue chair to the class window. Raka and I saw a boy kissing his father's hand. A sign of the blessing of a child when his father is about to leave for work. My heart is like a pistil of a flower falling from its eyelids, I can not continue that scene for my beloved son Raka.

Trying to take his eyes off me, I pulled out the colorful candy from his bag I bought at the front store with him. Because the clock shows at 08.00 am, all teachers check the attendance of the students and allow the parents to keep and supervise his sons and daughters outside the classroom. Immediately I told Raka that I would be sitting next to her, after Raka had finished studying.
"Deck, mama outside the class just yah ... mama will see adek learn from window. Raka's the most genius mama, independent ". The eyes of my smile look, while I justify his uniform hat is a bit skewed because often made toys to the right and left.
"Mama studied the diligent yah", moved from Raka's seat to the front porch of the classroom. Looking for a window near Raka's seat to keep an eye on her, convinced me that her mama did not leave her.

Looking at Raka from the window, made of iron shaped holes almost like the circles attached in that class. I looked at her from afar, lovingly. Do'a chant from my lips so that later Raka can grow like the papa. The man who is responsible, intelligent and appreciative of a woman especially her mother. The thought drifted away, imagining the bright future of Indria and Raka and the younger brother still in my arms in order to comfort my heart. But will I be happy with being a single parent, and the three pieces of my heart. Almost a sense of happiness and sadness approached my heart, fighting against each other to win.

A glimpse of how wonderful it is to have a husband back and to set up a small family with a sense of love together. But can I find a man who is almost the same as Raka's father, the man who has been keeping my heart for years but has to be separated by the fate of God. I tried to get rid of that thought many times, but occasionally the idea came to reason for a perfect happiness. The happiness that a household should have, there must be two sides that complement each other.
Remembering Raka's question about the wings of only one bird, and I answered could not fly and would die long. It's just a bird's analogy, but what about my life, with my heart having to harbor a sense of self and a sense of self without the presence of a husband on the side. Will I have to restore my two wings, for me the right wing is my children and the left wing is a husband who accompanies me. Two wings that must be behind me always support me to fly here and there and they always follow. If one of my wings is broken or injured, I will feel the wound inside. And if the wings are broken, after that is my life right then and there.

Teett ... the sound of the Islamic schoolboy bell that interrupted my daydreams, rushed to pick up my son's food at the motorcycle. Hoping that Raka did not wait long, stepped my legs faster and came to him. Right in front of him, Raka holds my stomach and says,

"I thought mama came home, why do not you look for me?", Sipping the water I brought her.
"Have not prayed the same teacher bu deck?", I said with a hold of the bottle minnionnya.
"Already ma, right before washing hands soft beldo'a first bu bu gulu", proud because always obey what bu bu teacher. And I'm proud of the progress of its development.

Gratitude is never stopped in the heart, has been given a child who deserves my appreciation. The child gives us much knowledge, without them asking of us. Children just follow our hearts and our goals, no bad boys because there are only children who have not been given direction for good. Indeed the child is a master copy, they do not see what is good and bad. To him what he saw was what he had to emulate.