RELATIONSHIP: YOU SHOULD LEAVE AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP

I read something some minutes back and I had to sit down for a while to let everything sink in because it was a lot to swallow, If I had read this some years back I’d probably have tagged it pathetic but the fact is these things actually do happen and to an extent, the society condones these bestial acts of shamelessness, men who are deprived of whatever sanity that exists in this world, are immune covertly. You know the society we live in can have a very hypocritical approach towards abusive relationships. They publicly disapprove some of its effects—rape and brutality—but secretly or unconsciously permit them, using things such as religion and culture to mask savagery. I will give two unique cases where these things playout.

So I was watching a movie one afternoon with my siblings—a very religious one for that matter were things like morals, patience and forgiveness were been emphasized. The storyline was centred on a woman struggling in an abusive relationship. What really ticked me off was the amount of emphasis that was placed on the woman enduring the afflictions her husband mounted on her. The man was totally out of the reconciliation process, what it implied was that the woman was solely responsible for the relationship, and had no other option but to stay and see it through even if it caused her physical and emotional pain and her life (maybe) because she had made the vow: “for better or worse, till death do us part.” I sat there watching my sisters absorb such toxic content and it dawned on me how most women are brainwashed even before womanhood, how religion and obsolete cultures put most women in difficult positions, how little importance is placed on the men. Rather than teach our sons sound principles, we saddle our daughters with the responsibility of tending to their laxities.

The second example is similar to the picture story. Here the man wasn’t only abusing his wife; he had help from others in the whole process. Occasionally he would have his family members hold his wife down while he forced himself on her. I ask, how won’t such a man feel any remorse?! For God sake, he has the backing of his family members. I believe there are many fathers, mothers, brothers, and even sisters who witness such but keep quiet just to save the face. It is irritating. The one that breaks my heart, even more, is that such women find it hard to break away from such relationships, it’s like they’ve been charmed. But I caution that such people should not be attacked or blamed. It’s deeper than we think.

I just want to use this opportunity to address women who find themselves in such conditions. First of all, I want to say that you deserve better. Don’t mind what you’ve heard or the harsh words that have been spoken to you, and yes you have a choice and right to leave any relationship that is causing you physical and emotional pain. Believe me, there is a life worth living outside that relationship. All you need to do is take that quantum leap out of misery and see life smile at you once again.