_{When one has a lot of time to do nothing,} ^{doing nothing is what one should be doing.}

So there I was that day.

^{Wondering what to do...}

I hadn't even released the shackles of sleeping until noon yet. Laying there in bed, awake, but unaware of what a day like that day could offer. Encased in that toasty warm womb of blankets and creased sheets, before even being born into a new day, I had decided there was nothing left but to be bored of life.

If you find yourself being bored of life before you're even born, it's probably a good time to change things up, maybe reflect, think about things. Get life sorted out like that week old pile of clean socks you've been playing matchmaker with since the day you decided doing laundry was more fun than doing nothing but then changed your mind at the end. It's time to put some of that life back into livin'.

How to fix it when it's broken.

^{It's time to look for answers.}

Some folks, where I'm from, they'll hit up the bible when it comes time to figure things out. For them, somewhere in that mishmash of stories told in a language that kinda looks like English but isn't, they'll find clarity.

For me, I just hit up the bar.

No. Not the bar where that Jim dude sits all day drinking and telling stories about his adventures in drywalling to any sucker who can translate slurred speech and handle the stench. No, not that place. I'm talking about that search bar they put at the top of everything that could potentially make you waste hours upon hours of doing nothing constructive with your life. In that world, one cannot simply sit back and wait for the good lord to provide. One must seek out their own journey, using their own words from a language that kinda looks like English, but isn't.

To the Youtube Gods I wrote:

^{Bored no energy need help before die now.}

And they understood because I was instantly propelled into a world of wannabe self-help gurus and awkward diet advertisements.

I didn't have much time for answers. I wanted to know and I wanted to know, now. Hadn't even had my morning smoke/coffee wake up call yet and this dude that kinda looks like Jerry B. minus the child predator aura starts talking about eliminating tobacco and caffeine. I tried to listen to the guy but obviously he's never smoked or enjoyed a nice hot cup of coffee and I figured there's no way this dude should be talking about life if he ain't never lived on the edge of it.

Next!

^{Some chick named Sara starts talking.}

I think if her and I were on a date, I'd let her do all the talking. She made a lot of sense and after that, I left her video feeling like I'm now an expert meditator type guy because that's what she suggested I do. Even taught me how, for free. Probably the most generous girl I never met.

So whatever.

^{I followed her lead.}

With some improvisation in hand, I headed out of the house with a lit cig and some hot coffee in a travel mug because I had places to be. Sara said, "Find a quiet location."

Those are hard to find in this world, these days. Even the birds refuse to shut up until their shift is over at about nine in the evening. Cars zip by continuously and with the right mind and some eyes closed action, one can pretend the sound they make is just waves at the beach, until Mr. Iwork-Ontheoilrigs pulls up in his diesel monster truck and ruins everything.

Outta smokes, outta coffee. I must have walked seven miles looking for that moment of zen and finally I found it. The place was perfect for a first time meditator guy like me, plus nobody was around, which was good, because I think I'm self-conscious when it comes to being a follower of the self-help guru cult in public.

The first ten minutes.

^{Those were amazing.}

I shut it all off. There was no world, there was no me.

Then I started to hear voices. Sara did say I might hallucinate, which is what sold me on the idea to begin with, because I've enjoyed those in the past, under a different set of circumstances.

I didn't know who these voices were but I had convinced myself they were me, speaking on a different level of consciousness, attempting to help me through this journey. I remember one asking, "Would you like butter on that?" I remember another voice responding with, "No." I took that as a sign and haven't eaten any butter since, for I fear the poison now, thanks to Sara.

The voices got louder and louder though. Within my mind, I felt as if I was in some sort of auditorium where a crowd was gathering before the big show. I was not afraid of them. Unfortunately, I was becoming fearful of myself. After about an hour of hearing this mishmash of words in a blender coming from all directions and offering me up a sensory overload, I snapped.

"Shut the hell up!"

^{"I'm trying to concentrate on my nothingness!"}

I wasn't sure if I said it aloud, or loudly within my mind, but it was loud enough for them stop. Within nanoseconds, right then and there I realized I learned my first self-help lesson, all on my own. Be assertive. Take the reigns. If you want to go places in life and actually live it without wasting a moment, you have to grab it by the balls and squeeze until it stops squirming.

Then I opened my eyes so I could see this new and improved life of mine for the first time...

And everyone in the restaurant was staring at me.

Credits:All art and images seen here were produced digitally, by me.
^{"Now where did I put that butter..."}

^{© 2019 @NoNamesLeftToUse.  All rights reserved.}