^{@NoNamesLeftToUse just loves these nice things people say!}

Do you smell sarcasm?

Today, I'm going to write about, about.

As a Canadian, I already know, many people south of the border will think I'm saying a boot. I don't know what they are talking about. It's about time someone told me. About, a boot, about, a boot, about, a boot. Notice the difference? Apparently, many Americans don't.

Oh well.

If I were to go for a walk in the park, that would be acceptable human behavior. In Boston, they go for a whack in the pack. I cannot do that in Canada without being arrested.

A walk in the park and a whack in the pack apparently means the same thing somehow. Now, I realize it may seem like I don't know what I'm talking about but trust me, I do.

Dis, dat, dese, dose and dem over dair. This, that, these, those and them over there.

Sometimes I catch myself using the 'd' words in normal, everyday conversation. That's how the old guys and descendants from Europe speak when they're sitting around having a coffee with friends here. If an American heard them, they might think they walked into a hip hop rap battle but I insist a dog is still a dog here and everyone can relax.

I was once traveling and while in the USA, I needed to stop for supplies. I placed everything on the counter, as we normally do here in Canada. The store clerk asked me if I'd like a sack. I instantly pictured a rugged, woven potato sack of sorts and declined the generous offer. That was the first time I had ever been offered a sack, anywhere. I stood there waiting for this woman to bag my stuff up. She stood there looking at me as if were some sort of a crazy person. I had to ask for a bag. She rolled her eyes and said, "you sayed you di-ent wah-won."

Protip: If you need help in Canada, do not ax for an amberlamps. All that does is add to the confusion.

"Harro! May I take yo odour? Very goo! One dinnah fow-fow!"

So now, maybe you're giving me the eye.

^{"Gasp! You cannot talk like that, crazy white man!"}

I speak with an accent everyday whether I like it or not. Everyone else has an accent, whether they like it or not. Me, while utilizing observational humor to point out this fact, does not equate to being involved in some sort of hate club. Imitating an accent is not a racial slur in person or in writing and especially when something was intended to be funny. You can make fun of my boots all you want, if you catch my drift, eh.

Flak

 
Did you read Haffanower? Were you offended?

Someone was!

In private, I received a good tongue-lashing from someone who would seemingly prefer to see things like observational humor cease to exist. A censor who apparently reads at a grade fucked level attempted to tell me how to write comedy, how to act, how to say things, what should be said, what shouldn't be said, where I went wrong, what should be changed, blah-blah-blah.

Not Happening!

They said the moment I wrote, "half a nour would be dair," was the moment they knew I was attempting to insult a particular culture. This individual even attempted to tell me which group this supposed "insult" was directed at.

All they did was prove they know nothing about the culture where I live and have never met one of those old white guys who speaks like that.

I did not respond to anything they said because I had no reason to defend myself.

If you really pay attention and read between the lines; throughout that entire story you'd notice how I take lighthearted shots at all kinds of people who jump to the wrong conclusions and end up making asses out of themselves. I did that on purpose because I knew, eventually, one of those people would show up and do a little demonstration for me.

Thank you for existing. The comedy writes itself when you're dealing with observational humor.

Just Buy Me a Few Beer

^{I can't seem to stop myself from imitating an accent or two after a few drinks.}

Since when is that racist? Who shut down Robin Williams and called him a racist? Nobody. He did accents well and made a fortune acting like other people while everyone laughed. Who shut down Dave Chappelle when he went on stage and performed his white guy accent? Nobody. A majority black audience all laughed and cheered when Dave did that. Who shut down that entire show to prevent a hate crime from occurring? Nobody.

Why?

^{Because, reasons.}
I already know what I do here is risky and have already mentioned how comedy is often misconstrued. It's my words versus someone's reading comprehension. It's my style of blogging/performing versus what everyone else is accustomed to seeing in your typical blog.

It does become frustrating at times dealing with people who front as intellectuals all while watching them demonstrate how they cannot read. Of course, since humor is my thing, I just can't help but laugh at them. It's funny to me to watch people say they are one thing and act the opposite. So what, deal with it.

I realize I could easily sit here and write top ten lists about how to be organized and live a better life. I know I can sit here and write how-to articles that get thousands of hits from people searching that particular topic on Google. I'm aware I could be here writing about cryptocurrency and that would increase the odds of getting a few more high powered votes. I don't have a problem with that stuff, whatever floats your boat, but I don't want to fake it until I make it.

I'll be busy defending the arts and entertainment here until my dying days. I had to break down a few barriers just to be able to do what I do here and I refuse to watch those walls get rebuilt. I'll be encouraging others to follow this road I'm on, if they think it's for them, until I finally decide to retire. Nobody here is going to be able to stop me from being who I am and they stand zero chance of being able to tell me how to write comedy.

Successful acts in this business sell out theaters and even stadiums. Comedy writers work on the material that we all see on television getting laughs and high ratings. If something like Saturday Night Live was uncensored, more people would be glued to that show every weekend. Here, just like a stage, I have total freedom to do and say what I want to get laughs.

If my work along with all of the other entertainers here ends up drawing thousands of people to this platform, we won't require a thank you. We're just doing what we do and knew it would happen all along.

To the Heckler

^{Yes, I can call you names too.}

I respect the fact that you decided to blast me in private rather than making a scene under my blog post. That took courage. We all know what happens to someone who enters a comedy club and decides to take everything seriously. We all know what happens to that heckler when they decide the show should be about them, their personal standards, and not comedy.

If you don't know, allow me to explain.

We simply tear a strip out of your ass until you become so ashamed of yourself that you feel it's only best to leave, or the bouncers step in to offer you assistance in making the right decision to simply leave a world which you cannot comprehend.

This entire thing was just a fancy way of telling you(the heckler) to fuck off. I hope you enjoyed it.

Have a nice day!

Credits: _{All art and images seen here were produced digitally, by me. "Wasn't the first, won't be the last!" [email protected]}

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