"My boyfriend spends most of his time with his friends and I feel he doesn't love me. What shall I do?!" - How to stop the unbalanced feeding in a relationship

Hi,

I need your advice.

I have hardly slept tonight due to so many thoughts. I am bothered by the fact that since my boyfriend found new friends he has forgotten my existence. He is with them most of the time and barely calls me. In the past, he used to call me for the smallest things and I felt he needed me and loved me and that I was indeed an important figure in his life. But now it seems that I am his last priority.

When I asked him why he had become distant he said that he was sick and tired of my accusations. The truth is that most of the time I try to hide any claims I have against him but sometimes I can’t hold it anymore and I tell him what bothers me.

I am also very jealous and I constantly imagine things and run them through my mind. I wish I could turn the wheel back to a year ago when I felt he really loved me. I do not know what is wrong with me but it is a pattern with me. With my last boyfriend, it was the same. He was crazy about me at first but later became distant.

Recently I decided that I would be strong and would not contact him no matter what. If he wants to leave I would let him. The last thing I want is to force someone to be with me without love.

Please let me know if I am doing the right thing.

Thank you so much,

Barril

Credit: Marcin Ryczek on colossal

Dear Barril,

For starters and as an immediate remedy, you have decided to do the right thing. Continue – do not contact your boyfriend, try not to think about him. Get him out of your immediate surroundings and make room for your private thoughts to surface. You need time to observe your inner life and make some changes.

Here is what I mean:

You said there was a pattern in your relationships. You fall in love, it was beautiful, magical, you felt great, you felt loved and nourished and at some point, things began to fade out, as if someone or something was pulling the love that was there away. And you felt sad, devastated, confused. Nothing that you did to make that love stay helped. All you wanted was to understand who or what dared to do such a thing to you and how you could make it stop. This has been a repeating pattern in your life, has it not?

Could you accept, though, that it is You who pulls that love away from Yourself?!

The path to a successful relationship goes through a place where you replace a dualistic perspective about life with an inclusive one. Your relationships must go through such a transformation as well. So far relationships gave you what you needed; love, support, nourishment, care; and you felt loved and cared for because of what you gave to others and what you received from the outside. You have fed the people around you with your love and expected to be fed in return by them (watch closely what you wrote: “I felt he needed me”).

This is duality in its highest form and it no longer serves you.

What your soul wants you to realize is that love resides within you; that love begins from within you. It may sound like a cliché but it is true. When you feel loved all the time (and such a feeling can only be generated from within) the reality around you will reflect that to you; it means you will no longer need to experience dramatic breakups or being distant from your loved ones. It may sound unreal to you now but it will be so.

So what to do?

For a while, forget about the outer world. Forget about other men. Focus on yourself and begin reconnecting with your soul level. Talk to it in your imagination; use your big heart to open your arms wide towards yourself. You are perfect and you are OK. Can you believe it? Nothing you have ever done was wrong. Every experience, every thought, each feeling were appropriate and cherished by your soul level. Can you feel the amazing and all-encompassing love that comes straight from your soul level to you? Can you feel that you are never alone and that always – always – there is some force, an entity, around you that watches your steps, that marvels at your achievements, that smiles, cries and laughs with you and above all, that loves you unconditionally?! Can you believe and feel all that?

If you keep doing the inner work you will certainly reach a level where your life will be full of love. It may take time, and on the way, you may have other men in your life that in their own wonderful way will reflect back to you how much you will have progressed in your journey to self-love. You may also choose to stay alone until you will feel it is the right time, and whatever the case, it is always you who will choose what your life looks like.

Remember that you are the sole guardian for your life and that includes the amount of love that you choose and allow yourself to receive from yourself.

With love from You to you!